218: Being intentional for better mental health

What does being intentional mean? How does being intentional influence your mental health? And can you learn how to be more intentional?

That’s what I’m talking about this week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that makes mental health simple. So, get comfortable, and let’s talk!

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This podcast episode was originally released on 11 February, 2024.

Hello and welcome to Episode 218 of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about being intentional and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin and I teach you how to look after your mental wellbeing, with practical tips you can apply immediately based on quality research and my own experience of learning to live with anxiety and depression after a breakdown in 2011 that changed my life. Each week I teach you simple ways to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing. 

In this episode I’ll be talking about what being intentional means, why being intentional matters, and how to bring more intentionality into your life. 

So, let’s talk about being intentional!

Introduction

Who do you want to be?

Who don’t you want to be?

How do you want to move through the world?

How do you want your interactions with others to leave them feeling?

These are all big questions, and it’s about figuring out what you really want out of life and then making deliberate choices that help you get there… rather than just sitting on the couch and wondering why your dream life isn’t just landing in your lap, or being completely spontaneous and scattered in everything so that you just go with the flow rather than taking charge and creating the life you want.

I mean, look, the thing here is about understanding that, like most things in life, it’s all about finding the right balance; if you’re too spontaneous then life’s probably going to end up a bit of a hot mess (especially if you rarely or never stop to think before you speak or act, a surefire recipe for shenanigans and disasters!)… but, at the same time, you don’t want to be too intentional or you’ll just wind up overthinking everything (the last thing you want is to spend four hours analysing all the different types of butter at the supermarket, because you’ll never be able to get anything done!).

So, let’s take a moment to get ourselves on the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about…

What ‘being intentional’ means

So… the easiest way to start is with a definition from my handy Oxford Dictionary, which describes ‘intentionality’ as “being deliberate” or doing things with a purpose. Now, I talk a lot about purpose and meaning in this podcast and I do so because they play a huge role in better mental health; when you know who you are (and who you are not), as well as the general direction you’re heading in (and why), you tend to feel more grounded, in control, and positive about life.

Being intentional is about making choices that are thoughtful and deliberate, rather than just going with the flow or reacting on impulse. It’s about being more conscious of your words and actions, and choosing to be considered and thoughtful before you do or say something so that you can be certain you’re acting in alignment with your highest self (for example, by being kind and objective instead of rotted and hateful). 

It’s kind-of like being the captain of your own ship; rather than just drifting wherever the ocean takes you, you’re steering your life in the direction you want it to go and making sure you avoid the icebergs.

Now, being intentional doesn’t mean you have to overthink every little thing. It’s definitely not about agonising over whether to have tea or coffee in the morning, becoming so paralysed by the pros and cons of either beverage that you start your day off feeling traumatised and unable to choose. Instead, it’s about aligning your actions with your values and goals. 

It’s like when you’re at the supermarket, and you choose the apple over the packet of crisps because you value your health and you’ve made a commitment to yourself to eat well. This is an example of you making a conscious choice that reflects what’s important to you and the direction you want to head in in life… because you can have all the ideas in the world about what you want to do in life, but unless you take action it won’t happen (and always remember that small actions add up to huge results, so each time you choose the apple instead of junk food you’re taking another small step towards achieving your goal of being healthier).

In a broader sense, intentionality can be about setting the tone for your day. It’s like waking up in the morning and deciding, “Today, I’m going to be positive,” or “Today, I’m going to focus on being kind to others.” It’s about setting an aim for how you go about your day that then serves to guide your actions and interactions throughout the day; this actually forms the basis of my simple daily planning and reflection tool, which I’ll talk a bit more about later.

When we shift our focus to mental health, intentionality takes on a slightly different nature. It’s about being mindful of your thoughts and emotions; in other words, recognising them without immediately reacting to them. For example, when you feel irritated or stressed, rather than snapping at someone or internalising those feelings, you pause instead. You take a moment to think, “OK, so I’m feeling stressed. Why is that? And what can I do about it?” It’s like having a little mental conversation with yourself, rather than just reacting to the emotion and letting havoc rain down upon everything. When you take a few moments to bring your rational mind into the conversation, rather than just being driven by pure emotion, you can make smarter choices that tend to lead to solutions (rather than more problems).

Intentionality in mental health is also about actively nurturing positive habits and thoughts. It’s not just about avoiding negative patterns; it’s about intentionally creating positive ones. That could mean setting aside time for relaxation, pursuing hobbies that make you happy, or practicing gratitude; it’s about finding whatever works best for you, and what helps to ground you. It’s like planting a garden of good mental habits and then tending to it regularly so that you can reap the rewards of your hard work.

Now, let’s talk about what intentionality feels like, especially in contrast to being highly spontaneous. Being intentional often feels like having a sense of direction and purpose. It’s like going to the supermarket with a shopping list; you know what you need, and you’re less likely to be sidetracked by every tempting treat in the aisles.

On the other hand, spontaneity is like improvising music — it’s free, it’s in the moment, and it’s exciting. With being spontaneous there’s a thrill in not knowing exactly where you’re going next, and that can be a positive thing. But imagine if every song were just improvised solos… it would be chaotic, and the worldwide demand for noise cancelling headphones would go through the roof!

So the key message here is about finding a healthy balance between the two. It’s like having a structured melody in your song, but also leaving room for a few improvised solos. In life, this means having clear intentions and plans but also being open to unexpected opportunities and experiences.

In terms of relationships and communication, being intentional can significantly reduce misunderstandings and conflicts; by choosing your words thoughtfully, listening actively, and responding in a considered way you can build much deeper and more meaningful connections. It’s the difference between just reacting in the heat of the moment versus responding after taking a moment to consider the other person’s perspective and to think about how to tackle the situation in a solution-oriented way: one approach will lead to a better outcome, whereas the other will be like dropping a bombshell at the family dinner table and then walking out (in other words: a total mess, in case my point wasn’t clear).

A bit of spontaneity in relationships keeps things fresh and exciting, so again this is about finding a healthy balance. Occasionally surprising a friend or loved one with an unplanned visit or a small gift are simple and spontaneous acts that can strengthen your connection.

In general, you’ll find that leading a life that balances intentionality with spontaneity can provide a much greater sense of peace and satisfaction than being too rigid or too scattered; this balanced approach allows you to feel in control of your life’s direction, but you’re also flexible enough to enjoy life’s surprises. You know how to navigate and steer your ship, but you’re also able to enjoy and handle the unexpected winds and waves that come your way so you’re not blown off course or knocked overboard.

OK, now let’s talk about…

Why being intentional matters

And, generally-speaking, being intentional is important because it puts you in the driver’s seat of your life. Imagine life is like a long road trip; without intentionality, it’s a bit like just driving around without a map or compass and hoping to end up wherever you’re going. I mean, you might get lucky and stumble upon some lovely places… but you could also end up going in circles or down a few too many dead ends or dodgy-looking laneways. Being intentional is like having a clear destination in mind; it helps you navigate towards what you truly want, whether that’s in your career, relationships, personal growth, or hobbies. It’s about making choices that are not just reactive but proactive, so you’re actively shaping your journey instead of being dragged along to wherever the road may take you. 

In terms of mental health, being intentional helps in several ways:

• It heightens your self-awareness; you start to notice your thought patterns, emotional triggers, and behaviours much more clearly, which helps you to take your first steps in making positive changes. 
• It teaches you how to regulate your emotions and respond to your emotions rather than just reacting; you learn how to take a moment when your emotions kick off so you can think things through and handle the situation in a healthy and constructive way.
• It leads to positive habits through practices like gratitude, mindfulness, and seeking positive interactions, all of which plant seeds for a more resilient and happier state of mind. 
• It aligns you with your values and goals in terms of both your actions and your thoughts; when you’re clear about who you are and what you stand for, as well as what you want in life, you tend to live in a way that feels more true to yourself — and that brings a sense of purpose and fulfilment. And, finally…
• It improves your relationships because being intentional about how you interact with others means you tend to have a healthier balance of give and take, leading to deeper and more meaningful connections.

So, in a nutshell, being intentional is about consciously choosing to create the kind of life and mental state you want to have. Want to be more positive? Then remind yourself of that daily and make choices throughout each day to stay on track, as well as choosing to take a few moments if and when challenges arise so that you can think about what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, and how to respond in a solution-focused way.

So, how do you do that? Well, let’s first take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…

AD BREAK

And welcome back! Now let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about… 

How to bring more intentionality into your life

Alright, so let’s start with take time to reflect — any journey involves figuring out where you are and where you want to go, before you can then start to think about the specifics of how you’re going to get there… and it’s the same with being intentional. Funnily enough, I opened today’s episode with a selection of questions that are extremely helpful for doing this: Who do you want to be? Who don’t you want to be? How do you want to move through the world? How do you want your interactions with others to leave them feeling? But before you start digging into those, I think it’s essential to ask yourself who you are now and where you are, because you need to be clear about your starting point before you can hope to set off towards a new destination (otherwise you’ll probably just go round and round in circles and keep winding up back in the same place). OK, next… 

Set clear goals — define what you want to achieve, whether that’s in your personal life, career, health, relationships, or whatever. Goals act like a roadmap, guiding your decisions and actions and giving you a sense of direction and purpose. Start by looking at your answers to the questions I suggested in the last point plus identify what’s important to you, and then break down your goals into manageable steps (the smaller the better, because it’s easier to manage and to see progress happening). For example, if your goal is to improve your fitness then you might start by scheduling three workouts per week. I covered goals in Episode 209 if you’d like some additional help with working through all this. Alright, next… 

Reflect daily — reflection is all about getting in touch with your true self and it involves taking time regularly to think about your actions, feelings, and experiences. This allows you to pause and assess whether or not your words and actions align with your intentions and goals, so you can make adjustments to your approach if necessary. Spend a few minutes each evening reviewing your day and consider what went well, what could have been better, and how you can make tomorrow more aligned with your intentions. I have a simple daily planning and reflection tool that can help you do this and to also be more intentional about how you approach each day, and it only takes a few minutes each day to help you stay on track. It’s available for sale on my website at ltamh.com and it’s linked in the episode description. If you’d like additional guidance with how to make my planning and reflection tool work for you, it’s also available to buy in a bundle with a short video masterclass that I’ve created (which is basically like having a coaching session with me that you can watch and rewatch whenever you like); again, that’s linked in the episode description or just head to ltamh.com. OK, next…  

Be more present — in other words, take regular time to be aware of the present moment and what’s going on around you, as well as within you, without being overly reactive or being judgemental. This helps you to get in touch with yourself more, and it helps you make more deliberate choices instead of just acting on autopilot. It can be as simple as spending five minutes a day focusing on your breath, or the sensations in your body, and building from there (and I talked about being more present in Episode 215). Next…

Focus on what matters — allocate your time to the people and activities that are most important to you; if it matters then make it matter, and if it doesn’t matter then it doesn’t matter. There will always be a million things competing for your attention… being intentional means figuring out what actually matters and allowing yourself to let go of the rest. OK, next… 

Practice gratitude — when you recognise and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, you find more and more to feel positively about; this shifts your focus from what you lack to what you have, helping you feel more contented and anchored. Start simply by keeping a gratitude journal and writing down three things you’re grateful for each day, like a beautiful sunset or a good cup of tea, and build the number of things daily. So, my next tip is…

Communicate intentionally — which simply means being thoughtful about what you communicate and why; doing so can lead to more effective interactions and it also helps you avoid misunderstandings. Think before you speak, taking a moment to consider the impact of your words. During conversations, really focus on understanding what the other person is saying and why; this serves to also keep you fully present and engaged, and shows greater respect than only half-listening. I talked about communication in Episode 134 so you’ll find that helpful as well. OK, next…

Limit distractions — so, identify what usually distracts you and actively work to minimise these interruptions; it’s the reason why I force myself to write at my desk in my office rather than on the couch with my laptop (so that I’m not tempted to look at Netflix or YouTube for five minutes and then lose the next 12 hours!). This might also involve turning off notifications on your phone during work hours or setting aside specific times to check emails. Next…

Take care of yourself — self-care is the practice of taking an active role in protecting your own well-being and happiness, and nobody can do it for you! It’s helpful because regular self-care prevents burnout and maintains your mental and physical health, enabling you to pursue your intentions with energy and focus. Schedule time for activities that rejuvenate your body and mind, whether it’s a hobby, daily exercise, reading, or simply relaxing. OK, next…

Develop a budget — it may seem dull, but financial planning is an essential aspect of living intentionally. By creating and sticking to a budget you make conscious decisions about your finances, which can reduce stress and help you achieve your long-term financial goals. Next…

Set aside time for planning — each week, take some time to plan ahead. This helps you stay on track with your goals and manage your time effectively. You might use Sunday evenings or Monday mornings to look at the week ahead and set specific, achievable targets in line with your goals and aspirations. OK, next…

Be flexible — while being intentional is about making deliberate choices, it’s also important to stay adaptable because change tends to happen when you least expect it; flexibility allows you to adjust your plans as circumstances change, keeping you on track toward your goals even when unexpected events occur. Regularly review your goals and intentions, and be willing to modify them if necessary. Remember, the path to your goals might not be straight, and that’s perfectly OK. Next…

Seek feedback — regularly ask people you respect for feedback in various areas of your life; this can provide valuable insights and help you improve. Remember to take feedback constructively, not personally… and remember that there’s a huge difference between ‘constructive criticism’ and ‘criticism’ — one is growth-focused and kind, the other is generally nasty (like the comments section on any social media platform). Ignore the nasty stuff, especially if it’s from someone whose life you wouldn’t want to live. OK, next…

Be curious — make it a habit to learn something new every day; for example, did you know that “dreamt” is the only word in the English language ending in the letters “mt”? Well, now you do! Learning keeps your mind active and engaged, so read articles, watch documentaries, or even strike up conversations with people from different walks of life. OK, next…

Declutter your space — a cluttered space can lead to a cluttered mind, so take time to organise and declutter your living and working areas. This not only creates a more pleasant environment but also helps in reducing stress and increasing productivity. Next…

Eat mindfully — instead of eating on the go or while distracted, try focusing on your meals and consuming them more intentionally (even thinking about the composition of your meals in terms of a balanced diet). This practice can improve your relationship with food and help you make healthier choices. Next…

Practice compassion — be intentional about showing kindness and understanding to others. This could mean volunteering, helping a colleague, listening to a friend, or just choosing kindness over nastiness. Acts of compassion enrich your life and the lives of others. Next…

Use positive affirmations — start your day by affirming your strengths and goals, which sets a positive tone and reinforces your self-belief. For instance, tell yourself, “I am capable and focused” which can boost your confidence and focus for the day ahead. And next… 

Celebrate small wins — recognise and celebrate your achievements often, no matter how small. This encourages a positive mindset and motivates you to continue working towards your larger goals, helping you to feel more intentional about the progress you’re making.

And for additional tips on how to live more intentionally, watch my latest video; it’s out now on YouTube and Spotify, and it’s linked in the episode description.

Summary and Close-out

Because when it comes to compulsions and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Embracing intentionality in your life is about charting a course for a more fulfilling and purposeful journey, helping you to realise your full potential and live a life that feels truly satisfying. By setting clear goals, learning to be more present, prioritising your health, and nurturing positive relationships, you can pave the way for a life that’s not only more aligned with your deepest values but also rich in personal growth and satisfaction. Each small, intentional step you take is a stride towards a brighter, more empowered version of yourself. Remember, the power to shape your life in meaningful ways lies within you, and it’s through choosing these deliberate, thoughtful actions that you can truly make each day count… and leave a positive imprint on the world around you.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

“Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.”

Unknown

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

What are you taking away from this episode? If you’re on Spotify you can answer in the Q&A section below, otherwise you can let me know on Instagram @ltamentalhealth or by commenting on the transcript, which you can have delivered to your inbox each week, along with my newsletter Thursday Thoughts; sign up at ltamh.com or use the link in the episode description. And for more tips follow me on my other Instagram account @itsjeremygodwin, and support my work plus get early access to ad-free episodes on Patreon. 

Next week I’ll be talking about comparison. Comparing ourselves to others creates a lot of problems, especially in terms of self-esteem, and it’s an issue that’s rife on social media… and yet it is physically impossible to compare yourself to another, since no two people are alike. So why do we keep on trying to keep up with what everyone else is doing… and how do we get off that rollercoaster ride before we lose our lunch?! That’s what I’m talking about next time! I’ll be discussing what comparison is, why it affects your mental health, and how to stop comparing yourself to others so much.

I hope you’ll join me for that episode, which will be released on Sunday the 18th of February, 2024.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media, helping you find gratitude and meaning. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com

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The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.