Why does pride matter for LGBTQ people? Whether you identify as part of this community or if you just know someone who does, this week’s episode will help you better understand some of the mental health challenges faced by members of the LGBTQ+ community. Ready to develop a better understanding of pride and LGBT mental health, regardless of how you identify? Then let’s talk!
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Let’s talk about why pride matters and how pride affects mental health for people in the LGBTQIA+ community.
If you want to learn about LGBTQ mental health then you’ve come to the right place… because that’s what I’m talking about this week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that makes mental health simple.
Ready to develop a better understanding of pride and LGBT mental health, regardless of how you identify? Then, get comfortable and let’s talk!
Hello and welcome to Episode 234 of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, and thanks for joining me as I talk about pride, LGBTQ+ mental health, and wellbeing!
I’m Jeremy Godwin, I identify as gay, and this isn’t your regular podcast full of interviews and random opinions. I’m a mental health counsellor and writer, and each week I look at one specific aspect of better mental health and I share simple and practical tips you can apply immediately, all based on quality research and my own experience of learning to live with anxiety and depression after a breakdown in 2011 that changed my life.
In this episode I’ll be talking about what pride is, why it matters in mental health terms, and how to navigate LGBTQ mental health in a positive way. Even if you identify as straight, this episode will help you better understand some of what the LGBTQ+ community go through and how you can support people you know and care about.
So, let’s talk!
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Let me start today with a little story.
The short-lived British group The Communards released their album Red in late 1987, when I was 11, and there was a track on it called There’s More To Love Than Boy Meets Girl that completely changed my world. Let me explain why.
For some context here, I was born and raised in Sydney, Australia and at that point homosexuality had only just been decriminalised three years earlier in my home state. It was also at the height of the AIDS epidemic, and I grew up in outer Western Sydney (like, as far out as it’s possible to go!) which, at that time, was definitely not the most socially progressive place in the world… so, for me, I was constantly reminded that I wasn’t the same as most of the other people around me. I’ve known I was gay since I was 5 (I mean, I didn’t specifically know what it was or what it meant until puberty kicked in, but I definitely had an idea of who I was), and so it was tough growing up in a world where I didn’t see any positive representations… and I felt really alone.
But then, that song came along.
And it changed everything for me.
Because suddenly I knew that other people felt the way I did. And I could deal with all the bullying and the abuse because I knew that, eventually, I could grow up and fall in love with another man and want to shout it from the highest mountain.
And I did fall in love. And we’ve been together for 28 years now. And thanks to artists like The Communards, and all the brave people who risked everything to speak their truth loudly and proudly, today I can talk openly about who I am and I can be my true self.
And that’s why pride matters. Because the 11-year-old version of me was about to go through a few years of absolute hell, made worse by all the bullying and homophobia around me, and it nearly broke me on more than one occasion… but I’m still here, and it’s because others stood up and spoke out which gave some kid in the outer suburbs of Sydney a light at the end of the tunnel to aim for even when I was dealing with horrendous issues that did a lot of damage to my mental health.
Pride saved my life. Learning to accept my orientation and to be proud of who I am led me to move away to the city and find more people like me, and to finally feel seen, supported, and loved. Pride taught me to be me, regardless of all the things that bigots might say about our kind… and it taught me that being judged by those sorts of people really doesn’t matter, because anyone who chooses to put hate out into the world is a bit of an arsehole, quite frankly, and the rubbish they come out with says way more about what kind of person they are than anything else (plus, I learned a long time ago not to put up with shit anymore!).
This week’s episode is a really important one to me, for fairly obvious reasons, and I hope that it’s helpful; I mean, I started this podcast specifically to help anyone dealing with mental health challenges, like the ones I’ve dealt with, and so today feels like a great opportunity to explore what that means specifically for the LGBTQ community.
A quick word before we go any further: I’ll be mainly using the term ‘LGBTQ’ (or occasionally ‘LGBTQIA+’) throughout this episode, and I realise there are other variations that can be used however I’ve settled on those two mainly because they’re easier to pronounce quickly; my apologies if I’m not using your preferred way of labelling the community, and I’m not deliberately excluding anyone.
OK, so let’s get ourselves on the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about…
What is ‘pride’?
And in this context, ‘pride’ is referring to both the annual community celebrations that happen in many countries around the world and the idea of feeling positively about our community and ourselves as individuals (and, more specifically, your sexual orientation or your gender identity, or both).
Now, I’m not going to sit here and give you a history lesson on the whole pride movement except to say that in the US it’s commonly associated with protests and the Stonewall riots of 1969, but of course there are multiple different stories in other countries, and it really is worth spending at least an afternoon learning about the history of your own country, but that’s a conversation for another day…
The thing about pride (as a movement) is that it’s ultimately about increasing the visibility of the LGBTQ community and showing that we come in all different shapes, sizes, and splendidness. Like anything it means different things to different people; for me, it’s about being able to celebrate our similarities and our diversity… since it’s both of those factors that make us who we are as individuals.
When it comes to having a sense of pride on an individual level, that’s a very personal matter and (again) it’s different for all of us; to quote HealthDirect:
“It’s normal to question your sexuality and gender. Some people are quite clear about how they identify early on in life. Others don’t think about it until adulthood. And it can change over time. It can take a long time to fully understand yourself, your gender, and your sexual preferences. It’s [OK] if you’re not sure or if how you feel changes.”
And you’ll find a link to that article in the transcript, available for free at ltamh.com (it’s linked in the episode description, and if you sign up to my free weekly newsletter you’ll also get the transcript emailed to you every Sunday).
So, now let’s talk about…
Why pride matters
And it matters because it’s about dignity, solidarity, visibility… and survival.
As a community, and as individuals in that community, we’re almost-constantly under direct and indirect attack from various sources; from keyboard warriors getting their kicks by spreading hatred across the Internet and on social media, through to groups and organisations determined to strip away our basic rights all because they feel like they have the right to discriminate against us.
According to the 2024 book Global LGBTQ Health, and I quote:
“Globally, research studies show a significantly elevated risk of poor mental health among LGBTQ individuals, [including] depression, anxiety, [suicidal ideation], and general distress; […] a growing body of evidence suggests [this] is partly attributable to greater exposure to stigma-related stress.”
And I’ve linked that in the transcript, where you can read a sample chapter that gives data for some different regions around the world (which is great as a lot of the data usually tends to be centred around Western countries, like Australia and the US).
Here’s the thing: generally-speaking, we have to navigate things that most straight people wouldn’t understand or even know about. Take coming out for example. Straight people don’t have to announce their sexual orientation to the world, or field inappropriate questions about the specifics of their preferences in the bedroom, and it’s not just something we do once; often we have to do it over and over again throughout our lives, every time we form new relationships or even when we start new jobs. Plus, we have to navigate a world where heterosexuality is considered the default; we got a new car last year, and when I said ‘my partner’ to the person at the dealership she asked, “and will she be driving the car often as well?” and in that moment I had to make a choice I’ve made at least 540,000 times in my life: do I correct her, or do I just let it slide and allow myself to feel bad about straight-washing myself yet again (I corrected her, by the way, but honestly there are some days where I just don’t have the energy to educate people that not everybody is straight so they shouldn’t just assume).
Being non-straight can be exhausting, in the sense that we often have to think about how we navigate the world (especially if we’re outside of a major city). I’m sure I’m not the only one who has deliberately modified how I dress or how I speak depending on the environment that I’m in, and there are still certain places (like a lot of average pubs) that I just won’t enter because it feels too intimidating.
And then, beyond that, it’s the messages we see about ourselves in the news, on social media, and just generally in society; there are days when I stumble across yet another story about attacks on transgender people that just makes me shake my head and wonder what the hell is wrong with some people.
But, having said all that, I know that I’m fortunate to live in a country like Australia because (according to the BBC) “there are 64 countries that have laws that criminalise homosexuality” — in other words, it’s illegal to be me in more than a quarter of the countries of the world, which feels like a ridiculous thing to be saying in 2024… and yet the struggle continues, and we need to find ways to deal with all these issues and understand how they affect each of us directly and indirectly.
According to the World Health Organisation:
“While recognizing the diversity of LGBTIQ+ people, evidence suggests some common experiences affecting their health and well-being. They are less likely to access health services and engage with healthcare workers due to stigma and discrimination, resulting in adverse physical and mental health outcomes. They can also experience human rights violations including violence, torture, criminalization, involuntary medical procedures and discrimination. In addition, they can face denial of care, discriminatory attitudes and inappropriate pathologizing in healthcare settings based on their [sexual orientation, gender identity, expression and sex characteristics].”
And you’ll find that linked in the transcript.
So I shared that because it felt like the most direct way to point out that pride really does matter, mainly because it helps us to rise above all the crap we have to deal with just for being who we are. Obviously I can’t speak for everyone, and I’m not going to try, but this is just who I am; I didn’t just wake up one day and say, “I’m going to be gay now” — I mean, who would willingly choose to walk a path filled with danger and discrimination?!
OK, so I know I’ve probably focused on the negative a fair bit (because we need to have an honest conversation about it), but let’s also acknowledge that pride matters for diversity, in the sense that it shows each of us the amazing diversity that exists in this community; there isn’t just one way to be non-straight, and they’re all valid, and we’re not all just the same two-dimensional stereotypical representations of what it means to be LGBTQ+. So, pride (as a movement and as a celebration) is a great way to see some of the many different ways of being that are possible, which helps you feel less alone and more confident in who you are.
Pride matters, now more so than ever, because it creates a safe space mentally for anyone who doesn’t identify as heterosexual to know that they’re not a freak, that there’s nothing wrong with them, and that they’re going to be OK.
In the words of actor Elliot Page, “This world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another” and pride helps to do that. In a world where anything outside of the so-called ‘norm’ is often met with discrimination and hatred, finding somewhere to feel seen, supported, and loved is absolutely essential; I mean, I wish my 11 year old self could have known much earlier that there was a bigger and better life waiting for me out there.
Ultimately, pride is about showing yourself that you can be yourself… and that’s all you need to be!
So, how do you do that? Well, let’s first take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…
AD BREAK [Note: Ads do not play if you have Spotify Premium]
And welcome back! Now let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about…
How to navigate LGBTQ mental health
OK, first, take time to understand your identity — and this is a vital step in your journey towards being able to feel proud of who you are, and it involves exploring your feelings, preferences, and experiences to figure out who you are. Self-awareness is the foundation of self-acceptance and self-empowerment (which I covered recently in Episode 224). Try journaling, talking with someone you trust, reflecting on your experiences, finding resources that resonate with your personal journey, and connecting with groups or professionals who can help you work through things. Next…
Give yourself permission to be yourself — there’s nothing wrong with you, and allowing yourself to be who you truly are — without guilt or shame — is crucial for your mental health. That means embracing your identity and living authentically, which reduces internal conflict and fosters a greater sense of self-love. You can do this by working on your self-worth (which I covered in Episode 78), affirming your identity, surrounding yourself with supportive people, and rejecting pressures from others (or from society) to conform; my general rule of thumb is that if you’re not harming anyone (including yourself), then you do you and all the best to you! OK, next…
Set boundaries and stick to them — OK, so setting boundaries with family, friends, and colleagues protects your mental health. That means clearly communicating what is acceptable — and what isn’t — in terms of how people treat you, and then not putting up with crap. This is about ensuring that your interactions are respectful and supportive, and that you feel safe, and you can do this by having honest conversations with the people around you and not being afraid to distance yourself from toxic relationships. And so that leads to my next point…
Develop your assertiveness skills — if there’s one thing that’s really going to be helpful, it’s learning how to assert yourself in various situations… because there are going to be times where you need to stand up for yourself. Assertiveness involves expressing your needs and boundaries clearly and confidently, in a ‘firm but fair’ way, and it helps ensure that your voice is heard and respected. And, on that note, let me just say that your sexuality or gender identity (or both) are nobody’s business but your own; you don’t owe anybody anything (including answers to prying questions), so feel free to shut that shit down if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I covered boundaries in Episode 53 and assertiveness in Episode 45 if you’re ready to dig a bit deeper on those topics. OK, so my next point is…
Educate yourself and others — understanding your rights and the history of the LGBTQ movement can empower you and help you advocate for yourself and others, and it can reduce feelings of helplessness and increase your confidence. If you’re supporting someone in the LGBTQ community, learning more about what we experience is a great way to learn how to best support them (another great way is to just ask them!). To educate yourself, try reading books, watching documentaries, attending workshops on LGBTQ+ history and rights, or getting involved in community groups. OK, next…
Create a safe home environment — your home should be a sanctuary where you feel safe and accepted, so for some of us this might involve choosing to live with supportive housemates or family members, or creating a space that reflects your identity and makes you feel comfortable. This is important because a safe home environment can significantly improve your mental health; if your home isn’t safe, there are lots of organisations you can reach out to for guidance and support. For any straight people listening, or for those of us who are a bit older, one of the biggest things you can do is to provide a safe and supportive environment for any LGBTQ+ members of your family; many of us have to deal with issues at home, or even having to leave home because of who we are, and young people in our community are more vulnerable and at much greater risk when it comes to mental health issues… so what they need is love, kindness, and acceptance. OK, next…
Find your community — building a supportive community is essential for LGBTQ+ people, and often our friends become our chosen family. Try finding local groups, online forums, social media communities, or attending LGBTQ events and meet-ups. Having a group of people who understand your experiences and can offer empathy and support is absolutely invaluable, and it helps to combat feelings of isolation and provides you with a safe space to express yourself. OK, next…
Deal with discrimination proactively — unfortunately, discrimination and prejudice are still a reality for many of us… but rather than just putting up with it, you can take control and empower yourself by knowing your rights, seeking support, and taking action when necessary in order to protect yourself. Familiarise yourself with anti-discrimination laws in your area, identify coping techniques that work for you, and reach out to LGBTQ+ advocacy groups for support if you need it. Next…
Take care of your health — LGBTQ+ individuals can have unique health concerns that are often overlooked, and staying informed about these issues and accessing appropriate healthcare is crucial so you receive the care you need and prevent health problems from escalating. You might find it helpful to connect with LGBTQ-friendly healthcare providers, and also try staying up to date with recommended health screenings and practices. Next…
Celebrate your identity — take the word ‘pride’ literally and choose to be proud of who you are, which reinforces a positive self-image and helps fight against internalised negativity. And take time regularly to reflect on your journey and appreciate it, because seeing your own progress and growth can have a huge impact on your mental health and wellbeing. Next…
Get involved in the community — I hesitate a bit with this one, only because there are so many different ways to get involved, but I’m going to specifically focus on the idea of getting involved in activism, which can provide a sense of purpose and connection. Whether it’s attending rallies, volunteering for LGBTQ+ organisations, or simply spreading awareness, activism allows you to contribute to positive change, plus it connects you with like-minded individuals and can be incredibly fulfilling. To get started, try researching local or national LGBTQ+ organisations and finding out how you can help. OK, next…
Seek LGBTQ-affirming therapy — accessing mental health services from therapists who are knowledgeable about LGBTQ issues, or who identify as LGBTQ+, can make a significant difference because they can offer tailored support and also have an understanding of the unique challenges you might face, plus it helps to ensure that your therapist won’t dismiss or misunderstand your experiences. You can find someone by checking LGBTQ+ health directories or asking for recommendations from your friends or the wider community.
Summary and Close-out
Because when it comes to pride and mental health, what it all boils down to is this:
Pride may have started as a protest, and it still is today, but it’s so much more: it’s a celebration, an affirmation, and a declaration of victory over all that we’ve faced and continue to face as a community. Pride is hope. It represents the visibility and acceptance of us in society, and it helps us to challenge stigma and discrimination. The essence of pride lies in our collective and individual journey towards self-affirmation and authenticity.
It’s an act of defiance against oppression and a declaration of our right to exist freely and openly. Ultimately, pride is about the most important thing for anybody, regardless of their sexual orientation: it’s about being you, and choosing to live your truth unapologetically.
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today?
Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by the late American politician Harvey Milk, and it is:
“Hope will never be silent.”
Harvey Milk
Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.
What does ‘pride’ mean to you? If you’re on Spotify scroll down and share in the Q&A section below, otherwise let me know on Instagram @ltamentalhealth or by commenting on the transcript, which you can have delivered to your inbox each week, along with my newsletter Thursday Thoughts; sign up at ltamh.com or use the link in the episode description. And discover more mental health tips on my other Instagram account @itsjeremygodwin, plus become a paid supporter on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes.
Next week I’ll be talking about improving your wellbeing.
When it comes to your wellbeing, where you do even start to focus your attention if you want to make things better for yourself? And how can you incorporate simple daily actions into your routine so you can be more proactive about looking after your wellbeing? There’s a lot of advice out there, and even in this podcast, and so next week I’m rounding up what I consider to be the best of the best advice to help you take charge of your mental health and wellbeing.
That episode will be released on the 9th of June, 2024, and I hope you’ll join me for it! Hit ‘follow’ or ‘subscribe’ on your podcast service and hit the bell to turn on notifications so you never miss an episode.
Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com
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