What are patterns? How do patterns affect your mental health? And what’s the deeper lesson to be learned from patterns and cycles that show up in our lives over and over?
That’s what I’m talking about this week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that makes mental health simple. So, get comfortable, and let’s talk!
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Read the full episode transcript:
This podcast episode was originally released on 10 March, 2024.
Hello and welcome to Episode 222 of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, and thanks for joining me as I talk about patterns and mental health!
I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this isn’t your regular podcast full of interviews and random opinions. I’m a mental health counsellor and writer, and each week I look at one specific aspect of better mental health and I share simple and practical tips you can apply immediately, all based on quality research and my own experience of learning to live with anxiety and depression after a breakdown in 2011 that changed my life.
In this episode I’ll be talking about what patterns are, why patterns have such a big impact on your mental health, and how to identify and change patterns in your life.
So, let’s talk!
Introduction
The world, as we know it, is full of cycles and patterns. A day is 24 hours long and follows a consistent rhythm of sunrise, daytime, sunset, nighttime. A year is another cycle, marking another orbit of the Earth around our Sun. So too are the seasons, bringing us hotter weather in the summer and colder temperatures in the winter all due to the tilt of our planet as it moves around the Sun.
I know this is a fairly philosophical and existential way to start an episode, but the fact is that patterns and cycles are all around us… including in our own lives. Some are healthy, some are harmless, and others have the potential to make our mental health worse if we don’t do something about them. The challenge for each of us is to figure out our own patterns of behaviour and then take charge of them, addressing whatever we need to address so we can learn what we need to learn and, hopefully, grow as a person (without repeating the same cycles over and over again). It’s that old saying, “those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.”
At the end of last week’s episode, when I was talking about what to expect from this episode, I referenced a conversation with one of my favourite managers from back in my corporate days who once noted to me that particular situations and types of people would often appear in your life over and over again until you learn what you need to learn. To quote from a post on Tiny Buddha (which I’ve linked in the transcript):
“Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons. When there is something you need to learn, something that you need to work on, the same situation will continue to repeat itself until you either learn your lesson or find a healthy way of dealing with that particular issue.”
And, again, that’s linked in the transcript.
So, the entire point of this episode is to reinforce the idea of choosing to learn what you need to learn so that you can move forward, since that’s going to have a much better outcome for you in terms of your mental health and well-being… so I’ll get into how to do that in a bit. First, let’s get ourselves on the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about…
What are patterns?
At its core, the idea of patterns and cycles refers to the repetitive sequences of events, behaviours, or thoughts that occur in our lives. Much like the seasons that cycle from spring through to winter, or the pattern of the sun rising and setting each day, our lives are filled with patterns and cycles, both big and small, many of which play a pivotal role in our lives and our mental health.
When we talk about patterns in our lives, I’m broadly referring to the regular, sometimes predictable, events and behaviours that recur over time. These can range from your daily routines, like your morning tea or coffee ritual, to yearly traditions, such as holiday celebrations. But it’s not just about what you do; it’s also about how you think and feel. Our reactions to certain situations, the way we handle stress, and even the types of relationships we forge can follow a pattern… and that’s more specifically where I’m focusing on in this episode, since it’s the recurring situations and relationships in our lives (as well as our recurring behaviours) that play such a fundamental role in our mental health and well-being.
Shifting the focus to mental health, patterns and cycles take on a deeply significant role. Mental and emotional cycles can manifest as habits or thought patterns that impact your well-being. For example, a cycle of negative self-talk can lead to a pattern of low self-esteem, which in turn may affect your relationships with others and your decision-making. In a similar vein, a pattern of stress and inadequate (or unhealthy) coping mechanisms can spiral into anxiety or depression.
Recognising these patterns in your life and your mental health isn’t just about identifying what’s going wrong. It’s also about understanding the rhythm of your emotions and your behaviours. Like noticing the ebb and flow of the tide, recognising your own mental health patterns can help you understand yourself better, anticipate challenges, and harness your patterns in a way that supports your growth and healing.
Diving a bit deeper into how patterns affect us individually, is quite fascinating, really (but, then again, I’m a bit of a nerd for this philosophical stuff so you’ll have to bear with me!). On a personal level, these types of recurring patterns can shape your daily life, influencing your routines, habits, and even your outlook on life. They’re like the invisible threads that weave through the fabric of your existence, often going unnoticed until you take a moment to step back and see the pattern they’ve created.
Consider the simple act of brushing your teeth every morning and night. This is a cycle, a pattern of behaviour that, over time, becomes so ingrained it feels almost automatic. Now, apply that concept to less tangible aspects of your life, like how you react to criticism or deal with stress. Some of us might instinctively go on the defensive when faced with criticism, a pattern possibly rooted in past experiences. On, the other hand, others might turn to exercise as a stress reliever, a positive cycle that enhances well-being.
These patterns can have profound effects on your well-being. For example, someone who has developed a pattern of avoiding difficult conversations might find themselves feeling increasingly isolated, affecting their mental health. Alternatively, a person who has cultivated a habit of gratitude might notice a pattern of improved mood and outlook on life.
The real power of understanding the patterns in our lives comes from the potential to change them. Just as a river can be redirected with enough effort and time, so too can your thought and behaviour patterns be changed. The first step is awareness — in other words, recognising these patterns in your life. From there, you can begin to question them: Are they serving you well? Are they contributing to your happiness and well-being, or are they holding you back?
Once you start untangling these patterns, you can begin to see where changes might be beneficial. It might involve breaking a cycle of negative self-talk and replacing it with more positive affirmations, or perhaps changing a habit that’s not contributing to your well-being.
Look, this process certainly isn’t always easy… but the piece here is about really confronting those things that are negatively impacting on your well-being or that are holding you back. Deeply embedded patterns can be really tough to change… but with time, effort, and perseverance (and maybe also a bit of creativity), it’s entirely possible to reshape these patterns in ways that better serve your mental health and overall well-being. It’s about taking control of the narrative of your life, one pattern at a time, and steering it in a direction that leads to a more fulfilling and healthier existence. I’ll discuss how to do that in a minute, but first let’s talk about…
Why patterns have such a big impact on your mental health
OK, so the thing is that patterns have a significant impact on your mental health for several reasons, with the biggest being that they can either support or undermine your psychological well-being. Let’s break that down and look at five more-specific factors, starting with:
Consistency and predictability: We human beings naturally seek stability and predictability in our lives, and patterns offer a sense of regularity, helping us to feel more in control and less anxious about the unknown. However, when these patterns are negative — such as cycles of worry or rumination — they can contribute to greater stress and anxiety, making us feel trapped in a loop of unhelpful thoughts and behaviours. Next…
Habit formation: Our brains are hardwired to form habits, and once a pattern of behaviour or thought is established, it becomes more automatic (something we do unconsciously, rather than consciously). This can be helpful when it comes to healthy habits, but detrimental if the habits are harmful, like substance misuse or self-criticism; patterns like these can become deeply ingrained, affecting your mental health without you even realising it. Next…
Identity and self-perception: The patterns in our lives can become a part of how we see ourselves and how we believe others see us. For instance, a cycle of success and positive reinforcement can boost your self-esteem, while a pattern of failure and negative feedback can erode it. Our mental health is closely tied to our sense of identity, so patterns that negatively affect how we view ourselves can have profound impacts on our overall well-being. Next…
Emotional regulation: Patterns of thinking and reacting to emotions play a crucial role in how we manage our feelings. For example, if someone has developed a pattern of suppressing emotions, this can lead to difficulties in emotional regulation and potentially contribute to depression or anxiety over time. On the flip side, establishing patterns of healthy emotional expression can support mental health and resilience. And, finally:
Relationship dynamics: This is a big one, because the patterns within our relationships can also significantly impact our mental health. Patterns of communication and interaction with others can influence our feelings of connectedness, belonging, and support. Toxic patterns in relationships can lead to feelings of isolation, low self-worth, and stress, while positive interaction patterns can enhance our sense of social support and emotional well-being. This space is probably where we have the most commonly-experienced negative patterns, in that we might tend to attract the same type of person to us over and over again if we have unresolved trauma or issues, or we might find ourselves avoiding conflict over and over again until we no longer have a choice and have to confront the root cause of why we avoid conflict in the first place.
Understanding the impact of these types of patterns is crucial because it highlights the power of change. By identifying and adjusting our patterns — whether they’re thought patterns, behavioural habits, or ways of interacting with others — we can actively improve our mental health. That doesn’t mean it’s an easy task, because it’s not; changing patterns, especially long-standing ones, requires hard work, time, and sometimes professional support. But, it’s a profoundly empowering process; you have the ability to reshape the patterns in your life, and that means you can take steps towards creating a healthier, more positive mental health landscape for yourself, one pattern at a time. It’s about recognising the power of your daily actions and thoughts, and how, through awareness and choice, you can steer your life in a direction that leads to greater well-being.
By breaking negative cycles, like persistent self-doubt or chronic stress, you can not only enhance your mental health, preventing these patterns from causing further harm, but also start to unlock opportunities for greater personal development and improved relationships. Ultimately, it’s about taking control of your life, leading to a more fulfilling and connected existence.
So, how do you do all that? Well, let’s first take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…
AD BREAK
And welcome back! Now let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about…
How to identify and change patterns in your life
And so my first tip is to reflect — and no, I’m not talking about walking past a mirror over and over… this is about taking some time to identify recurring patterns in your life. You can do this by setting aside a quiet time for some introspection, ideally with a journal or notebook. Think about repetitive thoughts, emotions, or behaviours you experience and note them down, and then ask yourself why these patterns emerge and how they affect you. This can be tough, but I highly encourage you to approach this reflection piece with openness and without judgment, and with a genuine goal to understand and improve yourself. Why? Because by recognising the patterns in your life, you can then start to plan actionable steps for your personal growth, which helps you to turn your insights into positive change. If that seems like a bit much, you can start smaller with my next tip…
Daily reflective writing — this is like taking the point above and breaking it down into a much more manageable, bite-sized action that you can do daily; simply take a few minutes at the end of the day to think about a recent event or a recurring thought, and ask yourself why you think or behave in certain ways. This is a simple way to start revealing underlying beliefs and patterns, paving the way for greater self-awareness and meaningful change. If you need some help with this, I have a Daily Reflection Tool that can help you (plus I have a Masterclass video that can help you go even deeper with the tool); you’ll find them both linked in the episode description. OK, next…
Take small steps daily — I mentioned earlier that changing patterns takes a lot of work, and it can be fairly overwhelming when you start to think about it… so don’t think about it all at once. Instead, focus on one day at a time and take small steps towards making changes. Instead of completely changing your entire lifestyle overnight, make one change and stick to it… then, when you’re ready, build on it by making another. Small steps lead to big results, and they tend to be a lot more sustainable. Alright, next…
Focus on mindful self-compassion — and by that I mean to actively cultivate a practice of being consciously compassionate to yourself in order to address any patterns of self-criticism or negative self-talk. This approach combines the awareness of mindfulness with the kindness of compassion, and it can be as simple as practicing speaking to yourself as you would to a dear friend facing similar challenges; over time, you’ll learn to catch your negative self-talk and turn it into positive self-talk instead, helping to improve your self-esteem. Next…
Limit your exposure to triggers — if certain environments, situations, or people trigger negative cycles, try to limit your exposure to those triggers. This is all about reducing the likelihood of falling into automatic, and even harmful, patterns of behaviour or thought. You can do this by being proactive about your choices, like avoiding stressful situations when possible or setting clear boundaries in relationships that contribute to negative patterns (for example, I have a family member who pushes my buttons and brings out the worst in me, so I approach that relationship very carefully and make sure I maintain my boundaries at all times). I also strongly suggest you be thoughtful about who you surround yourself with, as negative people tend to rub off on others. Alright, so my next tip is…
Identify and clarify your core values — OK, so this is a really crucial thing to do, because understanding what truly matters to you can then guide your efforts to change and grow. Reflect on moments when you felt fulfilled or proud; these can hint at your underlying values. Aligning your goals and actions with these values ensures that your efforts to address patterns are meaningful and directed towards authentic self-improvement, rather than you just stumbling around in the dark (and I covered values back in Episode 138). And I mentioned ‘goals’ a moment ago, and so my next point is…
Set clear goals — identifying negative patterns is one thing; working to change them is another. Setting clear, achievable goals for yourself related to changing these patterns can provide direction and motivation. It helps you to transform a broad intention like “I want to be less anxious” into actionable steps, such as “I will practice deep breathing exercises for 5 minutes every morning.” By defining what success looks like, you can track your progress more effectively and stay motivated. And, by the way, I covered goals in Episode 209. So, sticking with the ‘goals’ theme, my next point is…
Challenge yourself — create positive feedback loops by setting small, achievable challenges for yourself. Each success builds your confidence and your motivation to tackle larger challenges. Start by identifying a minor change you can make, then gradually increase the difficulty as you succeed. Celebrating these small wins reinforces positive patterns and builds momentum towards more significant transformation. Next…
Break tasks down into smaller steps — which is the easiest way of making progress without trying to bite off more than you can chew. When addressing complex or challenging patterns, breaking them down into smaller, more manageable steps can prevent overwhelm from taking hold… and you’ll find that it makes the task of changing a deeply-ingrained pattern seem a lot more achievable. For example, if you’re trying to break a cycle of procrastination, start by setting aside just 10 minutes a day for a task you’ve been avoiding. Small successes build momentum, which then helps to make larger changes feel more attainable. OK, next…
Learn more — adopt a mindset of continuous learning and curiosity, which helps you to explore new concepts and ideas. Having a learning mindset is invaluable because it keeps you open to new perspectives and approaches that can help to address and transform patterns in your life (especially negative or harmful ones). You could try reading, courses, workshops, podcasts, videos, etc.; the list is endless, and you’ll find that expanding your knowledge and skills can provide you with fresh insights and strategies for your personal growth. Alright, next…
Explore new activities — engaging in new hobbies or interests can disrupt negative patterns by shaking things up and introducing fresh experiences and perspectives. This helps to break the monotony that often accompanies harmful patterns, offering potential new sources of joy and satisfaction. Whether that involves taking up a new sport, learning an instrument, or exploring a creative outlet like painting, new activities can provide a healthy distraction and another way to channel your energy positively. Plus it’s a great way to meet new people… especially helpful if any of the negative patterns in your life involve so-called ‘friends’ who aren’t really friends! OK, next…
Try positive affirmations — this might be a bit touchy-feely for some of you, but I can tell you from personal experience that replacing negative thought patterns with positive affirmations can really help to shift your mindset and break the cycle of self-criticism. Affirmations help to gradually reprogram your thought patterns to be more positive and self-supportive. You can do this by identifying a negative belief and crafting a positive counter-statement that you repeat to yourself daily, especially when you notice the negative thought arising. Maybe try a few different ones that resonate with you as part of your daily routine; stick with it for at least a month or two and see how you feel at the end of the experiment! Another effective tool, for dealing with patterns as well as for improving your self-awareness and self-esteem generally, is my next tip…
Practice gratitude — Focusing on what you’re grateful for helps shift your attention from negative patterns to more positive aspects of your life, creating a sense of well-being and contentment. Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. This simple practice can change your brain’s focus, reducing the emphasis on negative patterns and enhancing your capacity for joy and resilience. Next…
Find a mentor — seeking out someone who embodies the qualities you aspire to can accelerate your journey of self-improvement. A mentor provides guidance, support, and perspective that can help you navigate the complexities of changing entrenched patterns. Look for someone who resonates with your values and goals, and be open to learning from their experiences and insights. Next…
Seek professional help — if you find it challenging to identify or change harmful patterns on your own, seeking the guidance of a mental health professional can be invaluable. Therapists and counsellors can help you uncover deep-seated patterns and provide you with tools and strategies to address them effectively.
Summary and Close-out
Because when it comes to patterns and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Identifying and addressing the patterns and cycles that shape your existence helps you to cultivate a deeper connection with yourself and with the world around you. Remember, it’s not just about breaking free from negative patterns; it’s about creating a foundation for lasting well-being, growth, and happiness.
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today?
Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:
“Identifying the pattern is awareness; choosing not to repeat the cycle is growth.”
Unknown
Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.
What are you taking away from this episode? If you’re on Spotify you can answer in the Q&A section below, otherwise you can let me know on Instagram @ltamentalhealth or by commenting on the transcript, which you can have delivered to your inbox each week, along with my newsletter Thursday Thoughts; sign up at ltamh.com or use the link in the episode description. And for more tips follow me on my other Instagram account @itsjeremygodwin, and support my work plus get early access to ad-free episodes on Patreon.
Next week I’ll be talking about excuses. It can be easy to make excuses for why we do or don’t do certain things, just as it can be easy to make excuses for other people… but excuses don’t get you anywhere; all they do is keep you stuck. The only way to break free and start moving forward is to stop making excuses, and so that’s what I’ll be discussing next time! I’ll be talking about what excuses are (and what they are not), why excuses can be harmful, and how to stop making excuses.
I hope you’ll join me for that episode, which will be released on Sunday the 17th of March, 2024.
Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
Jeremy 🙂
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media, helping you find gratitude and meaning. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com
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The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.
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