212: Your Mental Health Questions Answered! (Part Two)

Welcome to part two of a special two-part Q&A episode, where I answer your questions about mental health! 

That’s what I’m talking about this week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that makes mental health simple. So, get comfortable, and let’s talk!

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This podcast episode was originally released on 31 December, 2023.

Hello and welcome to Episode 212 of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, and thanks so much for joining me as I answer more of your questions about better mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin, writer and mental health counsellor, and I did a shout-out on both of my public Instagram accounts (@ltamentalhealth and @itsjeremygodwin) asking for questions you’d like me to cover, and there were so many great ones that I’ve split this episode over two weeks.

This week I’m talking about topics like validation, parents, anxiety, trauma, physical health and more. I’m also covering a couple of the questions in their own YouTube videos; more on that later. 

So, get comfortable and let’s talk!

First, Pamela from Canada has asked, “[In general,] our teens seem to have been affected deeply by the pandemic, with mental illness rates increasing drastically. It would be so helpful to learn how to better support a teen/family member through their struggles.”

Great observation, Pamela, and we’ll definitely be feeling the effects of lockdowns for a long time to come… especially kids and teenagers who missed out on a lot of stuff that’s crucial for their development. 

Supporting any family member struggling with mental health issues requires understanding, patience, and open communication. Choose to create a supportive and non-judgmental environment, and encourage open discussions about their feelings without pressuring them to share. You could also role-model that to make them feel more comfortable. It’s important to listen actively and validate their emotions, showing that you take their concerns seriously.

Encourage healthy habits that bolster mental well-being, such as regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep, because these can significantly impact mood and stress levels (this is where open conversations about the impacts of different coping mechanisms can be helpful). Stay informed about the signs of mental illness and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you notice worrying changes, because early intervention can be crucial.

Incorporate family activities that promote togetherness and provide a sense of normality. This can range from regular family dinners to joint outdoor activities. Finally, educate yourself and the teen about mental health. Understanding the challenges they face can foster empathy and help in finding effective ways to support them.

And remember that, while offering support, it’s also important to take care of your own mental health. OK, next…

Beyza from Turkey asked, “I take many things personally, I am always thinking [about] how I am perceived from [the] outside, and I always try to “fix” something in me like a mission… it would be nice to have a reminder on coping mechanisms and practical self-help methods.”

Look, it’s perfectly natural to sometimes take things personally and worry about other peoples’ perceptions; it comes from our natural desire to connect and be accepted. When you find yourself affected by what others say or do remember that their actions often reflect their own issues, not yours. In other words, most of what other people do is about them and not you, so it’s not personal. Reminding yourself of this perspective can really reduce your emotional burden.

Building your self-awareness is important here. Regularly ask yourself, “Why does this affect me?” Identifying your triggers helps you respond more rationally. Practicing self-compassion is also important. Accept your imperfections and understand that it’s about personal growth, not ‘fixing’ yourself, because there’s no such thing as ‘perfection’.

Mindfulness exercises can be very helpful. They keep you present, reducing overthinking about past or future events. Simple techniques like deep breathing or a little mindfulness are great for managing these feelings (like consciously becoming aware of your surroundings and all five of your senses for a few minutes).

If these feelings become overwhelming, consider talking to a mental health professional who can offer tailored strategies to help you navigate these challenges. OK, next… 

Ana from Australia would like to know, “How can we honour our parents after we have healed (ish) and accepted their flaws?”

And I’m going to pick up on the fact that you said ‘ish’ here when it came to mentioning healing… which is a good reminder of the fact that healing is an ongoing journey, one that we continue on for the rest of our lives rather than getting to a special destination labelled, “Look everybody, I’m healed!”

It’s important to acknowledge that all parents are human, with their own set of imperfections and strengths. Recognising this can help you approach the relationship with empathy and understanding. One practical way to honour your parents is through open communication. This doesn’t mean forgetting past hurts, but rather expressing your feelings respectfully and listening to their perspectives. It’s about fostering a dialogue that acknowledges the past but focuses on a healthier future relationship.

Another approach is to celebrate their positive traits and contributions; remembering the good times or lessons they’ve imparted can help balance your perspective. You can also choose to honour them by passing down valuable lessons or traditions they’ve taught you.

Most importantly, honouring your parents can be about setting healthy boundaries. This ensures a relationship that respects both your wellbeing and theirs. It’s a balance between showing gratitude and maintaining your own emotional health. Remember, honouring them doesn’t mean compromising your own peace and happiness.

And, continuing on that note…

The next question comes from Dee who asked for, “More about closure from toxic parents, even restricting or cutting them out of your life? And grieving the loss?”

And, frankly, this is worthy of an entire conversation on its own… which is why I’m going to be releasing an episode specifically about difficult parents in early March 2024 (I covered parents in Episode 155 but that was a much broader topic). I’ve avoided this for quite a bit, however I’ve been encouraged by quite a few of you to talk more on this topic and I know it can be really helpful.

So, until I release that episode, I suggest this: prioritise your mental health and wellbeing. Look, your relationship with your parents or primary caregivers is likely to be one of the most intimate and emotionally-challenging relationships in your life; these are formative relationships, and when you have difficulties with one or more of your parental figures you’ll find that it has far-reaching consequences throughout your life. Full closure may be unlikely to ever come, or at least not in a way that feels satisfying, so it has to come from within yourself… and that means focusing on acceptance. It’s an acceptance of the situation as it is and an acknowledgement that your parents are just people, and the choices they make are a reflection of who they are and where they’re at rather than being any kind of reflection on your worth. I know that’s hard to believe (trust me when I say that I know, because I know!), but it’s something you can work on little by little… I strongly encourage you to do that work with a therapist, because it’s really not an easy journey and you’re going to need professional support if you want to go poking around these sorts of emotions. 

The point here is to figure out how to move forward, rather than just moving on, for the sake of your own peace of mind. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship, or the idea of the relationship (if they’re still in your life but not in a healthy or nurturing way), and remember that it’s OK to protect yourself. Creating boundaries, even if they include distance, is a form of self-care, and you have to look after your mental health. 

OK, so before we continue let’s take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…

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And welcome back!

Another question from Dee next, who asked, [Could you talk some more about] repetitious thoughts and actions, OCD and redirecting that anxiety, nighttime intrusive thoughts and breaking the thought cycle? 

OK, so first I suggest to stop fighting against these types of thoughts and instead acknowledge them without judgement. It’s important to remember that it’s OK to have these thoughts; they don’t define you or your reality.

Then, challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this based on facts or my worries?” More often than not, worried and anxious thoughts are based on fear, not reality. By confronting them, you can gradually reduce their power over you. You could also engage in ‘thought stopping’. When you notice an anxious thought, visualise a stop sign or say “stop” out loud. This can interrupt the thought cycle and give you a moment to redirect your focus. You’ll also find it helpful to write the thoughts out, rather than allowing them to fester in your mind, and you can also use physical activity as a way of shifting your focus while also channelling your energy elsewhere. OK, next…

Emma from Ireland has asked for some tips on, “How to combat lack of appetite when anxiety is high, all due to work stress.”

This one can be challenging, but there are practical steps you can take. First, it’s important to recognise all the ways that stress and anxiety can physically affect your body, including your appetite. If you’re feeling stress and anxiety for a prolonged period then talk with your doctor about treatment options, and also look at what you can do to reduce external sources of stress.

Try to establish a routine for your meals. Even when you’re not feeling hungry, sticking to regular meal times can help signal your body that it’s time to eat. Opt for small, light meals or snacks if a full meal feels too overwhelming. Foods that are easy to eat and digest, like smoothies, soups, or yoghurts, can be good options.

Mindful eating can also be beneficial. Take deep breaths before eating, savour the flavours and textures, and eat in a relaxing environment. This can shift your focus from stressful thoughts to the present moment of eating. Staying hydrated is also key. If eating feels too much, focus on drinking water or herbal teas. Hydration is crucial for your health and it can sometimes stimulate appetite. 

OK, here’s another question by Emma from Ireland, and it is: “How to start the day not feeling sick with panic, and some techniques on how to stress and care less and not let these feelings leak into time with my family.”

So, start by creating a calming morning routine. This could include gentle exercises, deep breathing, or mindfulness meditation to set a peaceful tone. Practicing gratitude each morning can help shift your focus from anxiety to positivity. I also have a simple digital planning tool that helps guide you through starting the day in a consistent way and also having a routine for your mental wellbeing at the end of the day; it’s about $9 US Dollars (depending on the exchange rate) and it’s linked in the episode description.

To manage stress and protect your family time, compartmentalise your day. Designate specific times for work and worries, and then consciously detach from these during family time. Visualise placing your concerns in a mental ‘box’ to deal with later.

Also, make sure you take regular short breaks throughout the day for deep breathing or a brief walk to manage stress. And, most importantly, if these feelings persist for more than a couple of weeks then talk with your doctor or a therapist as soon as possible for personalised strategies and support. OK, next… 

Liam from Australia asked, “I’d love to hear about how to get back to normal life after struggling with DPDR/anxiety etc?”

If you’re not familiar with DPDR it means ‘depersonalisation-derealisation disorder’ and it’s a condition that leaves people feeling disconnected from their thoughts, their body, and their environment; it can happen for a number of reasons, including as a trauma response. The main treatment is talking therapy, using techniques such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or psychodynamic therapy. 

OK, so returning to a so-called ‘normal’ life after experiencing DPDR and anxiety can be a gradual process; it takes time, and it’s important to be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this journey.

Firstly, establish a daily routine. Consistency in your daily activities can provide a sense of normality and stability. Include wellbeing activities like regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep.

Mindfulness and grounding techniques are particularly helpful for DPDR. Engage in exercises that keep you present and connected to your surroundings, such as focusing on your senses or deep breathing exercises.

Reconnect with activities and people that bring you joy and comfort. Gradually reintroduce hobbies or social activities you enjoyed before, taking it one small step at a time.

I think it’s also worth noting that you can never just ‘go back’ to the way things were before; you can’t un-know what you now know (you know?!) and so instead of trying to recreate your past life, focus on creating a new life for yourself where you combine the best of the past with the lessons you’ve learned through your experiences.

And, above all, acknowledge your progress, no matter how small. Recovering from DPDR and anxiety is a significant achievement, and each step forward is a testament to your resilience. Just also make sure to continue to work with your therapist so you keep the momentum going.

OK, next, Nagham from Jordan asked, “I would like to know how does childhood trauma impact adult mental health, and what therapeutic approaches can help survivors overcome their trauma and love themselves again?” 

Childhood trauma can significantly impact your mental health as an adult, often leading to issues like anxiety, depression, trust difficulties, and relationship challenges. Early trauma can disrupt normal emotional development, making it harder to process emotions and form secure attachments in adulthood.

Therapeutic approaches for overcoming childhood trauma focus on healing and self-compassion. Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is widely used, helping individuals understand and change negative thought patterns stemming from their trauma. Trauma-focused CBT specifically addresses traumatic memories and feelings. Another effective approach is Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), which helps process and integrate traumatic memories, reducing their emotional impact.

Mindfulness-based activities can also help. These encourage present-moment awareness and acceptance, helping you develop a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself. Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, provides a safe space to explore and understand the impact of trauma, fostering greater self-awareness and self-love.

Look, healing from childhood trauma is a personal journey and it might involve trying different approaches to find what works best. It’s important to be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn to love and accept yourself again. OK, next… 

Lils has asked, “I am finding it hard, dealing with trauma and living a fulfilling life.” 

Look, I ‘get’ this one; there are days where I struggle with the weight of all my trauma, even with the support of a therapist and all the work I do to keep moving forward. Trauma is tough and it can be like a repeated punch in the stomach (usually when you least expect it to, at least in my experience). 

Dealing with trauma while trying to live a fulfilling life is challenging, but remember that healing is absolutely possible. A big part of that is acknowledging the impact of your trauma — it’s an important step towards healing and it helps you build greater self awareness.

Talking about your experiences can be therapeutic and offer valuable perspectives so seek support, whether from a therapist, support groups, or loved ones.

Self-care is crucial. Engage in activities that proactively nurture your wellbeing, like hobbies, relaxation techniques, or mindfulness; these practices build resilience and contribute to a greater sense of fulfilment.

Set small, achievable goals for yourself and celebrate your progress along the way; remember that even minor achievements are significant steps forward. You can listen to Episode 209 about goals for more on how to do that.

And probably the biggest thing I would say is to be patient with yourself. Healing from trauma is a gradual process, and it’s OK to move at your own pace. You’re not alone, and support is available if and when you need it. Remember, each step, no matter how small, is a move towards a much more fulfilling life.

OK, next, Joanie from Scotland has asked, “Could you do a bit on hyper and hypo arousal? I’ve just learned what that means, and could do with a bit of help to balance myself out.”

Hyperarousal and hypoarousal are states often related to stress or trauma responses. Hyperarousal is a state of increased psychological and physiological tension, marked by feelings like anxiety, irritability, or being constantly ‘on edge’. It’s like your body’s fight-or-flight response being overly active. In contrast, hypoarousal is a state of decreased arousal, where you might feel numb, disconnected, or lethargic, similar to a ‘freeze’ response.

Balancing these states involves recognising your triggers and symptoms, and then employing strategies to regulate them. For hyperarousal, relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfulness can be effective, because these practices help to calm the nervous system and reduce tension.

For hypoarousal, engaging in activities that gently increase your energy and alertness can be beneficial. This might include light exercise, listening to upbeat music, or engaging in a stimulating hobby.

Finding a balance requires tuning into your body’s signals throughout the day and responding appropriately; for example, you could set a reminder on your phone several times a day to do a body scan and check in with yourself (or make it part of your process at mealtimes). It’s also important to maintain a regular routine with balanced activities, including relaxation, exercise, and social interaction. Oh, and if these states are significantly impacting your life then make sure you talk with your doctor or a mental health professional.

Next, Rosa from Mexico has asked, “My father, a widower [of five years], is suffering from anxiety and depression. He isn’t eating well and also has hypochondriac episodes. He refuses to go to therapy. What can me and my sisters do to help him if he doesn’t want to do anything to feel better. And what can we do to manage our feelings of desperation and anger because he, apparently, doesn’t want to really be helped [but] just wants the attention?”

OK, so the short version is that only your Dad can help himself; it’s that old saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” He has to want to do things in order to do them, and that includes seeking help; we may not like the way other people, especially loved ones, choose to handle difficult times, but it’s their choice. What you can do, however, is help him to understand the concerns you have and how his behaviour is affecting you. For example, try saying, “I respect your right to make your own choices, but it’s really hurting me to see you in pain.” The other thing you can do is position the conversation more around being there for him, such as, “What can I do to support you?” or “Help me to understand what’s going on?” 

Finally, you need to protect yourself and your own wellbeing. You cannot allow yourself to be dragged into a situation that will potentially damage your mental health, so you need to make taking care of yourself a priority by making time for self-care and setting (and maintaining) clear boundaries. Good luck with it and keep going, just maybe shift your focus a little to reduce the amount of stress you’re taking on.

Alright, the next question comes from Mimi in Canada who asked, “Can hormone therapy for trans [people] cause stress/anxiety?”

And yes, hormone therapies of any type (including hormone replacement therapy or HRT) can indeed influence stress and anxiety levels. Hormones play a crucial role in regulating our mood and emotions, and any alteration in hormone levels, such as those caused by hormone therapies, can potentially impact mental health. For example, therapies that involve oestrogen or testosterone can sometimes lead to mood swings, increased anxiety, or stress, because these hormones can affect neurotransmitters in the brain, which are directly involved in mood regulation.

However, the impact of hormone therapies on mental health can vary significantly from person to person. Some individuals may experience heightened anxiety or stress, while others might not notice any change.

If you’re undergoing hormone therapy and experiencing increased stress or anxiety, it’s important to discuss this with your healthcare provider. They can offer advice, adjust your treatment plan if necessary, and may suggest additional support like counselling or stress management techniques. Remember, monitoring and managing these side effects is an essential part of your overall treatment and wellbeing.

Next, Carlo from Canada asked, “Any advice for someone with health anxiety that translates into emotional and physical symptoms, such as headaches, chest pains, increased heart rate, etc.?”

OK, so the first step is to get a thorough health check-up; confirming that there are no physical health issues can sometimes alleviate anxiety. Then, once physical causes are ruled out, your focus should turn to addressing the anxiety itself. This should involve two starting points: one with your doctor or a psychiatrist to assess the anxiety and devise a treatment plan, and another with a therapist to work through the anxiety issues. They may choose techniques like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which tends to be highly effective for health anxiety as it helps identify and challenge distressing thoughts, replacing them with more balanced ones.

You can also do a lot on your own to complement your treatment. Practicing relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation, can be beneficial, because they help to reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety. Regular exercise and maintaining a healthy lifestyle contribute to your overall wellbeing and help manage anxiety symptoms as well. Take things one day at a time and remember this: anxious thoughts are just thoughts, not facts; you need to see actual evidence of issues (I covered this in Episode 201 about intrusive thoughts, so that may be helpful). 

And then Tristan from the UK wants to know, “How important is exercise and diet to mental health, and where do you even start?” 

What you eat and what you do with your body play an enormous role in your mental health, not to mention your overall wellbeing. Regular physical activity can significantly reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. It releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood lifters, and can improve sleep quality, which is closely linked to mental health.

A balanced diet is equally important. Foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids, whole grains, lean protein, and plenty of fruits and vegetables have been shown to have a positive impact on brain health and mood regulation.

Starting can seem daunting but taking small and consistent steps, and slowly building on them over time, can make an enormous difference. For dietary changes, start by incorporating more whole foods into your meals and reducing processed foods and sugar. Drink plenty of water and ensure you get a variety of nutrients as well.

For exercise, begin with activities you enjoy — it could be a brisk walk, cycling, yoga, or even dancing around the living room like a maniac. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days of the week.

Remember, the key is consistency and finding a routine that works for you. It’s not about perfection, but about making healthier choices that benefit both your physical and mental wellbeing.

OK, that’s it for this episode! I’ve also released two videos based on questions I was asked, one about becoming more self-aware and another about people pleasing; you’ll find those linked in the episode description or just head to my website at ltamh.com.

Next week I’ll be talking about finding meaning. I’ll explain what it means, why it matters, and how to find greater meaning in your life. I hope you’ll join me for that episode, which will be released on January 7, 2024.

If you’d like more tips then sign up for my weekly newsletter, Thursday Thoughts, or follow me on Instagram @ltamentalhealth; links are in the episode description.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
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The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.