229: Limiting beliefs and how to stop your beliefs holding you back

What are limiting beliefs, and why do our beliefs have such a big impact on us? And, more importantly, can you learn how to let go of limiting beliefs so you can achieve all the things you want to in life? If you’re ready to change limiting beliefs then…

That’s what I’m talking about this week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast that makes mental health simple. So… get comfortable, and let’s talk!

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This podcast episode was originally released on 28 April, 2024.

Hello and welcome to Episode 229 of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, and thanks for joining me as I talk about limiting beliefs and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this isn’t your regular podcast full of interviews and random opinions. I’m a mental health counsellor and writer, and each week I look at one specific aspect of better mental health and I share simple and practical tips you can apply immediately, all based on quality research and my own experience of learning to live with anxiety and depression after a breakdown in 2011 that changed my life.

In this episode I’ll be talking about what limiting beliefs are, why they affect your mental health, and how to overcome limiting beliefs.

So, let’s talk!

Introduction

Are you holding yourself back?

Are your doubts and self-criticisms causing you to shy away from taking chances in life?

Are you making things harder for yourself because you think that’s how it’s supposed to be?

You know, it’s a fundamental fact that there are infinite possibilities for how each of our lives can turn out — all based on the choices that we make and the actions we take — so it’s not too far of a stretch to then point out that you can do and be basically anything you want to be… with time, effort, and perseverance. Now, of course there are some practical limitations — for example, I’m 5’10” and no amount of hard work will magically let me reach the top shelf of the cupboard over the fridge without having to stand on a step ladder — so we do all need to be realistic and work with what we have… but being realistic doesn’t mean just giving up and abandoning all hope entirely; because where there’s a will, there’s always a way (or at least a workaround, like buying one of those units for inside your cupboard that you can pull down with a handle; no, I don’t have one, but I’m definitely tempted! However that’s a random conversation for another day…).

Buried somewhere in that rant about my inability to reach something above my fridge is an important message (if you look hard enough): virtually anything is possible, and yet when we let our minds focus on our limitations it can make it almost impossible to see all of those wonderful possibilities… and if you’re going to have any hope of making them happen, you need to be able to see them first! So today’s episode is an opportunity to cast off the narrow focus glasses that will only let you see problems, and I’ll be sharing lots of ways to challenge those long-held beliefs about yourself that hold you back from being the best version of yourself possible.

First, let’s get ourselves on the same page with some definitions and let’s talk about…  

What are limiting beliefs?

Actually, just to be different, let’s start with what they’re not: they’re not the truth!

At its core, the concept of limiting beliefs revolves around the specific thoughts and convictions we hold about ourselves, others, and the world at large that, frankly, hold us back. These aren’t your run-of-the-mill negative thoughts that pop up every now and then. Limiting beliefs are far more insidious and sneaky; they’re deeply ingrained in our psyche, and they’re often formed from our past experiences, from societal norms, or from messages we’ve internalised over the years. They’re kind-of like old tapes playing on a loop in the background of our minds, telling us stories about what we can’t do, can’t be, or can’t achieve… and that’s why I make the point about them not being true; most (if not all) of your limiting beliefs about yourself are simply your self-doubts and insecurities manifesting a very specific set of ideas about what you can and cannot do, but we all have the potential to change, to grow, to evolve. So, what you think about yourself from 10, 20, 30 years ago isn’t an objective and realistic assessment of who you are today, and what you’re capable of today.

This idea of there being all these limitations around your abilities or your potential (or both) can be really restrictive, and it can definitely hold you back from being able to make tangible progress in your life… all of which can lead you to feel stuck, or like you’re just not capable or worthy of growth. But you are. You absolutely are, and the way to get there is to work on cultivating a more positive and supportive mindset, which I’ll come back to in a bit.

Now, when we talk about limiting beliefs within a mental health context we’re talking about how these types of beliefs can act like invisible shackles, restricting your emotional growth and wellbeing. For instance, you might believe, “I’m not good enough to achieve my dreams,” or “I don’t deserve happiness.” These aren’t just negative thoughts that pop up just for a moment, or for the day; they’re deeply-held beliefs about yourself that influence your behaviour, decision-making, and even your emotional state on a long-term basis.

From a psychological perspective, these beliefs can be particularly harmful because they’re often operating beneath the surface of our conscious awareness instead of in plain sight. They shape our reality in ways we might not even recognise, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts; for example, if you believe you’re not worthy of love, you might subconsciously sabotage relationships that could prove otherwise.

Now, no real surprises to hear me say what I’m about to say, but addressing and challenging limiting beliefs is absolutely crucial. They can prevent you from pursuing opportunities that could lead you to a much more fulfilling and happier life. But, thankfully, by identifying and questioning these beliefs, it’s possible to gradually dismantle them and begin opening up a path to new possibilities and a healthier state of mind. 

Before we get into how to do that, let’s first talk about…

Why do limiting beliefs affect your mental health?

Limiting beliefs can have a huge impact on your mental health, mainly because they act like filters through which you view yourself and the world. Imagine wearing a pair of glasses that only highlights the negatives, downplays your achievements, and magnifies every setback; those would be pretty crappy glasses, and I’d be getting your prescription checked as soon as possible… but that’s exactly what limiting beliefs do; they skew your perception, leading you to constantly underestimate your capabilities and worth. This can fuel feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression as you work your way through life feeling fundamentally flawed or ‘not good enough’. The strain of living under the weight of these beliefs can be absolutely exhausting, often preventing you from seeking out opportunities or taking risks for fear of confirming these negative views you have of yourself.

Beyond that, I mentioned before that limiting beliefs can trap you in a cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies; let me explain. If you’re convinced you’re bound to fail, you’re less likely to put your full effort into your pursuits, which then increases the likelihood of a result that reinforces that belief. Over time, this becomes a cycle that can destroy your self-esteem and increase stress, making it harder to maintain a healthy and balanced mental state. Recognising and challenging your limiting beliefs opens the door to a more positive self-perception and a life where your decisions aren’t dictated by fear but, instead, by your aspirations and a sense of self-belief, leading to a much more fulfilling and mentally-healthy existence.

Limiting beliefs shape not only how you see yourself but also how you interact with others and your environment, affecting the quality of your relationships and social connections. When you view yourself through a lens of being deficient in some way you might find yourself withdrawing from social situations, or avoiding forming close relationships, for fear of judgment or rejection. This isolation can increase feelings of loneliness and anxiety, creating a loop where limiting beliefs feed into social withdrawal, which in turn reinforces these negative beliefs about yourself. Healthy social interactions are crucial for good mental health, because they offer us support, validation, and a sense of belonging. Breaking free from our limiting beliefs can help restore these connections and improve your mental health through stronger, more positive interactions with the people around you.

And then the other thing to consider is that the stress of constantly battling these types of internal narratives can have physical effects, like sleep disturbances, fatigue, and a weakened immune system, further impacting your mental health. The energy you spend on maintaining a happy façade or coping with the internal turmoil generated by these beliefs ends up diverting valuable resources from other areas of your life, leading to burnout and a lower general sense of life satisfaction. Challenging and changing limiting beliefs is not just an exercise in positive thinking; it’s a crucial step towards your holistic well-being!

Addressing limiting beliefs is about making space for healthier, more vibrant growth in your life. In general terms, your beliefs create your reality — shaping your decisions, your behaviours, and even the opportunities you dare to pursue or pass by (which I talked about in Episode 141 about beliefs). 

In the broader scheme of things, limiting beliefs can block your personal and professional growth. Imagine harbouring the belief that you’re not good at learning new skills; this type of mindset could prevent you from seeking advancements in your career or even exploring new hobbies that might bring joy and fulfilment into your life. By challenging and overcoming those beliefs, you’re not just opening the door to new opportunities; you’re also fostering a more resilient and adaptive mindset (which is a very good thing!).

Uncovering and challenging any limiting beliefs you hold is like unlocking a whole new level of self-awareness and empowerment. It’s about rewriting the story of your life from a place of strength and possibility, rather than one of fear and constraint. This contributes to a significantly more profound sense of self-acceptance and confidence, and the ripple effects can be life-changing; it can influence your relationships, career paths, and personal wellbeing in any number of profoundly positive ways.

So, basically, tackling your limiting beliefs is a critical step not only for your personal development but also for creating a healthier and more fulfilling life for yourself. It’s about redefining what’s possible, learning to view yourself and your capacity in a whole new light, and stepping more fully into the life you desire and deserve. It’s about breaking free from the chains of your own making and discovering a sense of freedom and possibility that’s been waiting for you all along.

So, how do you do all that? Well, let’s first take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…

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And welcome back! Now let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about… 

How to overcome limiting beliefs

OK, first, identify your limiting beliefs — so, the first step is like being a detective in your own mind, searching for clues. Start by listening to your inner dialogue, particularly when facing challenges. What negative beliefs pop up? Pay attention to thoughts that show up time and time again, such as “This is just how it is” or “I’m always like this.” Writing down what you observe can be incredibly helpful and eye-opening; awareness is the foundation of change, and you can’t challenge what you don’t acknowledge. OK, next…

Question your limiting beliefs — for each limiting belief you’ve identified, ask yourself, “Is this absolutely true?” and “What evidence do I have to support or debunk this belief?” This helps introduce doubt into seemingly-solid beliefs, making them feel less intimidating. It’s like poking holes in a dark cloud; eventually, you’ll see through it. Challenging the believability of these beliefs encourages critical thinking and opens your mind to alternative, more empowering beliefs. Next…

Understand their origin — dig a little into history; not the kind in documentaries, but your own personal history. Reflect on when you first adopted these limiting beliefs; often, they’re rooted in past experiences or messages from authority figures. Understanding where they come from helps because it allows you to see them as products of your circumstances, not universal truths. It’s like uncovering the man behind the curtain in “The Wizard of Oz”; the beliefs lose their power when you see them for what they truly are. If you’re struggling with doing this on your own, talk with a professional like a counsellor or therapist. OK, next… 

Work on your self talk — the way you talk to yourself (and about yourself) has a direct influence on how you feel about yourself, so focus on consciously replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. A simple way to reinforce this is to use affirmations, which are basically like little pep talks you give yourself that are designed to reinforce positive beliefs about your capabilities. Creating statements that counteract your own specific limiting beliefs can be incredibly empowering. Saying something like “I am capable and strong” might feel a bit ridiculous at first, but it works by slowly altering your self-perception and belief system. For added impact, say your affirmations out loud in front of a mirror daily. Alright, next…

Reframe negative beliefs — our brain generally believes what we tell it; focus on negativity and you’ll see more and more to feel negatively about… but feed it positivity, and it will start creating a much brighter outlook on life. ‘Reframing’ simply means to challenge yourself to look at things from different angles. For example, you could see a failure as a mistake or as a good learning opportunity; the choice you make will then influence how you feel about it. This is all about your mindset, and as I said earlier a positive and supportive mindset helps you make real progress in your life. Reframing transforms obstacles into opportunities, completely changing how you interact with the world. Next…

Confront your fears — often, our limiting beliefs are rooted in fear; fear of failure, fear of rejection, or even fear of the unknown. By deliberately facing these fears in small and manageable ways, you can prove to yourself that you can handle discomfort and uncertainty. Each time you confront a fear, you chip away at the power it holds over you, weakening your limiting beliefs in the process. Start by identifying a fear, then take a small step towards facing it and build up your courage over time. Next…

Redefine your values — sometimes, our limiting beliefs are tied to values we’ve outgrown or that were never truly ours to begin with. By clarifying your values — in other words, what truly matters to you and how you want to live your life — you can then start to align your beliefs and actions more with what feels right to you, which ensures that your efforts are directed towards what genuinely fulfils you rather than what you think you ‘should’ be doing based on outdated or imposed values. I covered values in Episode 138 if you’d like to explore that topic further. OK, next… 

Surround yourself with positivity — the people around you can have a significant impact on your beliefs and attitudes; surrounding yourself with positive and supportive individuals can uplift you and reinforce your belief in your potential. Seek out friends, mentors, and communities that encourage your growth and which see the best in you. And speaking of that, my next tip is…

Limit your exposure to negativity — which includes reducing time spent with negative people, consuming less negative media, and engaging in less self-criticism. Negativity, whether internal or external, can reinforce limiting beliefs; limiting your exposure creates a more positive environment that nurtures your growth and sense of optimism. Start by identifying sources of negativity in your life and then actively look for alternatives or ways to minimise their impact on you. Next…

Reflect with journaling — because journaling can be a powerful tool for self-reflection, allowing you to process your emotions, thoughts, and experiences. By writing about your limiting beliefs, their impact, and your progress in overcoming them, you gain deeper insights into your inner workings in a private space where you can confront your feelings and make sense of them. Next… 

Adopt a growth mindset — actively cultivate the belief that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work… because they can! A growth mindset shifts your focus from seeing abilities as fixed (and therefore unchangeable), to recognising that you can learn and grow throughout your life; for example, by viewing challenges as opportunities to evolve. It encourages resilience, perseverance, and a love for learning, and you can foster a growth mindset by choosing to celebrate your efforts over success, learning from criticism, pursuing new skills and experiences, and persisting in the face of setbacks. The logic here is fairly simple, yet incredibly profound: by continuously challenging yourself to learn and grow, you’re directly countering the belief that you’re incapable of growth or change… and each new skill or piece of knowledge you gain serves as concrete evidence against your limiting beliefs, so, you know, hooray! And, by the way, if you really feel like going down a rabbit hole on the science behind the subject of growth, I’ve included a link in the transcript to an article by VeryWell Mind about neuroplasticity (which is “the brain’s ability to actually change its physical structure as a result of learning”); you’ll find the transcript linked in the episode description or just go to ltamh.com and click on the ‘Episodes’ tab. OK, next… 

Set small, achievable goals — nothing makes you feel better about yourself quite like seeing your own success, no matter how small! By setting small goals for yourself and working to achieve them, you can prove to yourself that you are capable, which chips away at your limiting beliefs; each victory builds confidence and reinforces a positive belief in your abilities. Start with something simple and manageable, celebrate your success, and then build from there. Next…

Try visualising success — close your eyes and picture yourself overcoming a challenge or achieving a goal, free of the chains of your limiting beliefs. Visualisation is a powerful technique that helps your brain to recognise and pursue paths to success. By regularly visualising positive outcomes you’re essentially rehearsing success, making it feel more attainable and real. Next…

Create a vision board — a vision board is a visual representation of your goals and dreams, and it serves as a constant reminder of what you’re working towards. This helps to keep your desires and aspirations at the forefront of your mind, acting as a motivational tool especially when self-doubt creeps in. You can create a vision board by collating images, quotes, and anything else that represents your goals and dreams, and placing them somewhere you’ll see daily. Next…

Find a mentor or coach — having someone who can guide, encourage, and push you can make a huge difference. A mentor or coach can offer valuable insights, advice, and accountability as you work to overcome your limiting beliefs, providing you with a supportive ally who can see your potential, even when you might not, and who can offer guidance based on their experience and expertise. OK, next…

Seek professional help — sometimes, the roots of our limiting beliefs are deep and woven into the fabric of our past experiences and traumas. In cases like these, working with a counsellor or therapist can provide the guidance and support you need to untangle and overcome these beliefs. Professionals can offer insights and techniques tailored to your unique situation, helping you to find deeper understanding and create more significant change.

Summary and Close-out

Because when it comes to limiting beliefs and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Learning to let go of the beliefs you have about yourself that are holding you back isn’t just about overcoming self-doubt; it’s about identifying your true potential and getting out of your own way so you can walk a more positive path, one filled with promise and opportunities. The process of dismantling limiting beliefs isn’t an overnight affair, but a continuous voyage of discovery, resilience, and transformation. It’s up to you to choose to give yourself permission to let go of the beliefs that don’t serve you, so you can step into a future where the possibilities are limitless.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by the late author Louise Hay, and it is:

“If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.”

Louise Hay

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

How do you deal with limiting beliefs? If you’re on Spotify you can share in the Q&A section below, otherwise let me know on Instagram @ltamentalhealth or by commenting on the transcript, which you can have delivered to your inbox each week, along with my newsletter Thursday Thoughts; sign up at ltamh.com or use the link in the episode description. And for more mental health tips follow my other Instagram account @itsjeremygodwin, and support my work plus get early access to ad-free episodes on Patreon for just a small amount each month. 

Next week I’ll be talking about navigating change. Life is change… and change can either lead to suffering or opportunity, depending on how you handle it. In a world where things often change faster than most of us can keep up, it’s up to each of us to learn how to work through times of upheaval and transformation in a positive way… and so that’s what I’m talking about next time! I’ll be talking about what navigating change means, why change affects our mental health, and how to navigate change effectively.

That episode will be released on the 5th of May, 2024, and I hope you’ll join me for it! Hit ‘follow’ or ‘subscribe’ on your podcast service to make sure you never miss an episode.

Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

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The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.