What are life lessons, and how does thinking about simple philosophies for life improve your mental health? This week I’m talking about how to approach life in a more thoughtful way. Ready to explore some of the most important lessons in life that we all need to learn? Then let’s talk!
LISTEN TO THE EPISODE
DOWNLOADS
TRANSCRIPT
What are life lessons, and how does thinking about simple philosophies for life improve your mental health? And, beyond that, what are some of the most important life lessons we all need to learn for the sake of our well-being?
If you want to learn how to approach life in a more thoughtful way then you’ve come to the right place… because that’s what I’m talking about this week here on Let’s Talk About Mental Health, the weekly podcast that makes mental health simple.
Ready to explore some of the most important lessons in life that we all need to learn? Then, get comfortable and let’s talk!
Hello and welcome to Episode 233 of Let’s Talk About Mental Health, and thanks for joining me as I talk about life lessons and wellbeing!
I’m Jeremy Godwin, and this isn’t your regular podcast full of interviews and random opinions. I’m a mental health counsellor and writer, and each week I look at one specific aspect of better mental health and I share simple and practical tips you can apply immediately, all based on quality research and my own experience of learning to live with anxiety and depression after a breakdown in 2011 that changed my life.
In this episode I’ll be talking about what life lessons are, why we need them, and how to learn what you need to learn (especially the hardest lessons in life).
So, let’s talk!
*********
There are lots of important pieces of wisdom that we can all benefit from in life, like the value of always checking your shoes before stepping on a white rug or never doing anything you wouldn’t want to have to explain to the paramedics.
Now, I had originally intended that this week was going to be structured much the same way that I’d normally create an episode; I’d talk about what the topic is for a bit, then why it’s important in a mental health context, and then I’d get into a whole bunch of how-to stuff. And I’ll still do that a bit, but when I sat down to write this episode it became clear to me very quickly that an episode called “life lessons” should mainly just be me talking about a whole bunch of life lessons!
And so, from that, I landed on a very specific idea: what are some of the hardest lessons we all need to learn, and is there a way to learn them without going through the hardships and torment? Spoiler alert: the answer to that question is more complicated than you might think, and I’ll explain what I mean in a bit.
First, let me just do a brief bit of set-up (by explaining the what and why behind this topic) and then we’ll jump straight into the life lesson stuff. OK, so…
What are life lessons?
When I talk about life lessons, I’m referring to the wisdom and insights that you pick up through your experiences over time. You’re constantly learning in life, whether you realise it or not, and it’s this learning that shapes how you see the world and how you approach it. Life lessons often come from both your successes and your mistakes, and they can range from very straightforward and practical to deeply profound and philosophical.
Generally speaking, life lessons are those little nuggets of wisdom that help you navigate your relationships, your career, your personal growth, and everything in between. They might be about treating others with kindness, being patient with yourself, or realising the power of perseverance, and in practical terms they’re often lessons that can involve simple advice like managing your finances well or maintaining a healthy balance between work and personal life.
So now let’s talk about…
Why life lessons matter
And they matter because they give you the tools you need to handle life’s inevitable ups and downs; for example, learning that it’s OK to ask for help when you’re struggling, or understanding that setbacks are a normal part of progress, can significantly improve your mental well-being. They can help you realise that emotions aren’t your enemies but simply signals to pay attention to, and that you’re the one in control of how you choose to respond to them. I think that, generally-speaking, the best way to look at them is to consider them guiding principles, helping you to live a more fulfilling life and foster positive mental health habits.
It’s when we think about ‘hardest life lessons’ that I think things get a lot more interesting; this is the stuff that we usually learn through hardships and setbacks, and often they can be painful lessons and it can take a really long time to work through all the emotional stuff before you can even begin to get to the core of what the lesson actually is… so we need to be patient with ourselves, and recognise that we won’t have all of the answers all at once (if at all).
The point here is that life is about learning. It’s about figuring out who you want to be, as well as who you don’t want to be, and then working out where you’re heading and how you’re going to get there (not to mention then doing the work to actually get there!), and yes that can be exhausting sometimes… but even during the tough times you’re learning, and that means you’re growing. Which is definitely better than staying stuck (or, worse yet, going backwards!).
So, before we continue, let’s take a quick break to hear from the brands who help me create this show each week…
AD BREAK [Note: Ads do not play if you have Spotify Premium]
And welcome back! OK, so without any further ado, now let me present my compilation of…
The most important life lessons you’ll ever learn
Alright, first, nobody has all the answers — because nobody does, and if they try to tell you they do then it’s a scam and you should run… run like the wind, I tell you! Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, and we are all just making this shit up as we go. I don’t think that I’m some guru who has all the answers, because I’m not; I’m still learning and growing and trying to figure out how to be a better version of myself. I don’t give out bits of advice lightly; I do a lot of research on things before I start writing, and of course I draw from my own experience, but I know that I’m just some guy who’s still trying to figure it all out and that this podcast is my way of doing that (while also passing on the stuff that I’ve learned along the way). I think that anybody who takes themselves too seriously — especially if they think they have all the answers — should be considered very carefully, because the only way to stay open to learning is to be humble enough to admit that you don’t know everything (and to be OK with that fact). Alright, so my next point is…
Decisions made in desperation rarely turn out well — let me tell you a little story. Back when I worked in the corporate sector, I found myself feeling miserable in my job and really unhappy with the company I worked for… so much so that I became obsessed with finding something else, even though there wasn’t a lot going at the time. Then a role was suggested to me elsewhere and I jumped at it… only to discover that the new organisation was 10 times worse than the one I just left, and that I now had even less support than I had before (which ended up being one of the factors that contributed to my breakdown in late 2011). So, the moral of the story is to take your time and make smart, considered choices… because desperation just tends to attract more negative energy. OK, next…
Nobody will do it for you — wouldn’t it be great if somebody else could smooth out all our issues and resolve all of our problems for us? Unfortunately, life just doesn’t work that way. I mean, maybe you’re lucky enough to have parents who help as much as they can… but the fact remains that, even then, they can’t do everything for you. Sooner or later we all need to accept that sorting out our ‘stuff’ and making progress begins and ends with each of us as individuals. OK, next…
You’re not going to win all the time — you know how a lot of schools give out awards just for participating? Yeah… nobody’s going to do that for you in real life; you need to put the effort in, and even then it’s no guarantee that you’ll win a medal. And that’s OK. Even if you don’t win, the good thing is that you learn… so then you can apply what you’ve learned to the next thing, and the next thing, and so on. It’s important to be positive and optimistic, but you also need to be realistic; stop expecting to always win, because you won’t and that’s OK. Next…
You can only force a situation or relationship for so long — if it’s going to work then it’s going to work, and if it’s not going to work then, let’s face it… it’s not going to work. When you try to force something, it’s the pressure you’re applying that’s holding things together; take that pressure off, and it’s either going to stand on its own two feet or it’s going to fall apart. Yes you should put effort into things, but there’s a huge difference between putting in effort versus forcing it. And, on that note, my next tip is…
You can’t force someone to change — you can encourage someone to change, you can influence them, and you can even beg and plead with them… but you cannot actually make someone do something. And that’s a particularly hard pill to swallow when someone is obviously doing harm to themselves or to others. You can talk to people about how you feel and why you hope that they might change, but then it’s up to them to either do the work or decide not to… just as it’s then up to you to decide whether or not you’re prepared to stick around if they don’t change. Next…
Being family isn’t an excuse to be treated poorly — I have witnessed some absolutely appalling behaviour between family members, most of which just would not fly with anybody else. Why do some people feel like they can do and say whatever they want without consequences just because somebody is family? Sorry, but that’s not how things work. You don’t have to put up with crap from anybody, even if they’re related to you. You are in full control over who has access to you, and what that access looks and feels like. It’s one of the hardest and most painful lessons that we have to learn in life, but it’s the only one that helps you escape from the cycle of dysfunction and toxicity that can exist in some family relationships (and if this is something that you’re struggling with, I talked about toxic relationships in Episode 228). OK, next…
Saying no is hard, but the consequences of not saying no are harder — often we try to avoid conflict, or avoid disappointing someone, and so we might end up agreeing to something that we really want to say no to (or just putting off having the conversation at all). Honestly, just rip the Band-Aid off; it’s better to be honest than to end up making things more difficult. And speaking of that, my next tip is…
Just say what needs to be said, even if it’s tough — look, I’d say that 99% of our problems would be resolved if we just communicated properly; instead of putting things off, or avoiding difficult conversations, just speak the truth. Once it’s done, it’s done; no more thinking about it and having it hanging over your head, and you can then figure out how to move forward. Because as long as you’re holding in things that need to be said, the longer you’re holding yourself back. OK, next…
Peace of mind comes at a price — right, so this is really a continuation of some of the previous points and it’s about recognising that the idea of ‘peace of mind’ isn’t just about sitting calmly on a mountaintop, but about making the tough choices that need to be made to remove drama and chaos from your life… and that can be really hard to do, especially since it means walking away from situations and relationships that aren’t in your best interests. So, while the price is definitely worth it (and then some), it’s also important to acknowledge that it’s probably going to be a bit painful as well… and that’s OK. Alright, next…
Do things for you — you’re never going to please everyone 100% of the time, and trying to just makes you miserable… so you need to make choices based on what you need, rather than what you think you’re supposed to be or do. That doesn’t mean being selfish — you can still be kind in how you do things — but really it’s about understanding that if you don’t meet your needs, nobody will do it for you… so, it’s up to you to create the life you want. Speaking of that, my next tip is…
It’s your life to create as you choose — other people will have many, many opinions on what you should do or how you should go about living, and that’s great… for them. But you’re not them. You’re you, and you need to figure out what feels right for you… regardless of what other people think or say. This is one of the biggest things I had to learn to build a new life for myself after my breakdown, when nothing made sense anymore and when I realised that I no longer wanted to be the person I once was. Creating the life you want takes a lot of hard work (not to mention the many tough lessons you need to learn along the way), but it’s absolutely worth it. So, that leads to my next tip…
Challenge yourself regularly — nothing stays the same, and if you just stay in your comfort zone or refuse to evolve, you’re eventually going to find yourself being left behind wondering what the hell just happened. Growth requires change, and change can be uncomfortable — and even really painful sometimes — but it’s still a damn sight better than staying stuck in the mud, wondering why everyone and everything is moving on around you. OK, next…
Plan for the future, but nurture the present — the smartest thing you can do for yourself is to take small steps each day to help you create the future you want, since life is a series of small actions that add up over time to deliver big results, but at the same time also choosing to make the most of every day and really live in the present. Why? Because the present is where life is actually lived; the past has passed and can’t be changed, only learned from, and the future is unknown and unknowable, so you can influence it but you have no direct control over what will or won’t happen since life is erratic and unpredictable. Set yourself up for a better future (by actively looking after your health, your finances, your education, etc.), and also learn to savour the little moments each day and make the most of them. OK, next…
A job is just a job; it’s not your life — it’s really easy to get hung up on what we do for a living, and since we spend so much time working it can feel like it’s a massive part of our identity… but it’s just the thing you do to earn a living. There will always be other jobs out there, and you need to make sure that you’re prioritising your needs first and foremost… because I can guarantee you that your employer is prioritising their needs above all else. OK, next…
You are responsible for your own words and actions — nobody can make you do or say anything… but, by the same logic, that also means you can’t blame anyone for what you choose to do and say. Learning to be accountable for your words and actions can be tough, but it’s the only way to really take control of your life (unlike all those people out there who blame everyone else for their problems and never take any action to make their lives better!). OK, next…
You’re not responsible for other people — OK, let me make this very clear: you are not responsible for the way other people react to your words and actions (provided you’re being fair and reasonable), and you’re also not responsible for the choices that other people make. I say that last one specifically so that I can point out that the shitty things other people do are not a reflection of your worth; it took me a long time of wrestling with my hurt and anger over what awful people both of my parents were to finally be able to accept that their inability to be who I needed them to be is not a reflection on me, but on who they are and what they’re capable of. When you can let go of any sense of responsibility for the choices of others, you can find peace. Next…
Not everybody in this world has good intentions — I’m an optimist but I’m also a realist; I believe that most people have good intentions, but there are some who are only out for whatever they can get for themselves, and those people will cause a lot of collateral damage along the way. I read a quote somewhere recently, I’m not sure exactly where, that said something like, “some people are so desperate to be seen that they’ll scorch the Earth to leave a mark,” and that really stuck with me, so I’m sharing it with you. If you come across one of these types of people, don’t engage; get as far away from them as possible and stay away. Next…
Letting go is one of the hardest things to do in life — very few people are good at letting go, especially when it comes to painful emotional stuff, and so instead of beating yourself up you need to show yourself genuine kindness and compassion, and take things one day at a time. I’m going to be talking about learning to let go in a few week’s time, so keep an eye out for that. OK, next…
There are some things you just have to learn the hard way — look, I can sit here and tell you all this stuff but let’s be honest… maybe, if you’re lucky, half of it will sink in, but the rest you’ll just have to learn from experience, and there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just how we human beings learn; we learn better from experience than we do from talking about abstract concepts. Take that last tip I gave, about letting go, for example: you’re only really going to learn that when you’re getting frustrated with yourself because you still think about that thing that happened a few years ago and it’s still hard to process the pain of it. It’s OK. Be patient with yourself, and most importantly just be open to learning; it sure beats the hell out of being resistant! And next…
Life is unpredictable — I talked about change a few times earlier and I know a lot of people don’t like to think about it, let alone talk about it, but you just never know what tomorrow will bring so you need to learn to be flexible and adaptable (which I explored in Episode 231 about building your resilience). This is the reason why living in the present matters so much: because this moment is the only one we have for certain, so that makes it incredibly precious and worth treasuring.
Look, there are probably about 1,000 more of these I could share but we’d be here all day; I did publish a book a while ago called Life Advice That Doesn’t Suck! which includes more of these types of tips; you can buy it from Amazon and it’s linked in the episode description, or you can find it on my website.
Summary and Close-out
Because when it comes to life lessons and mental health, what it all boils down to is this:
Only you can learn the things you need to learn; some of those lessons will be things you’re open to learning, whereas some other lessons might be things that you avoid (consciously or subconsciously) until you no longer have a choice. Whatever the case may be, choosing to greet life lessons as teachers — instead of painful things that you have to endure — will help you to work through them and figure out how to integrate them into your own life, so you can keep on moving forward.
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today?
Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:
“Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.”
Unknown
Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.
What are your biggest life lessons? If you’re on Spotify scroll down and share in the Q&A section below, otherwise let me know on Instagram @ltamentalhealth or on the transcript, which you can have delivered to your inbox each week, along with my newsletter Thursday Thoughts; sign up at ltamh.com or use the link in the episode description. And discover more mental health tips on my other Instagram account @itsjeremygodwin, plus become a paid supporter on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes.
Next week I’ll be talking about pride and LGBTQ mental health.
A lot of minorities have their own specific challenges to navigate when it comes to mental health, and the LGBTQIA+ community is no exception; I should know, since I’ve been a member since I was born in 1976! Next week I’m going to be exploring some of the common challenges faced by members of this community, as well as why pride continues to matter just as much today (if not more so). Even if you don’t identify in the same way (in other words, if you’re straight) then there’s a good chance that you know or know of someone who does, and so this is a good opportunity to learn more about the types of experiences that some LGBTQ people face. So, next time I’ll be talking about what pride is, why it matters in mental health terms, and how to navigate LGBTQ mental health in a positive way.
That episode will be released on the 2nd of June, 2024, and I hope you’ll join me for it! Hit ‘follow’ or ‘subscribe’ on your podcast service and hit the bell to turn on notifications so you never miss an episode.
Thank you very much for joining me today. Look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness out into the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com
SUPPORT THE SHOW
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program written and created by me (Jeremy Godwin), and it relies on listeners like you to help with the costs of producing the podcast each week. If you’d like to support the show, you can become a paid subscriber on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes. Thank you!
Huge thanks to my wonderful Patreon supporters (in alphabetical order): Amanda D., Amanda K., Bill, Brittnee, Carol, Ceola, Charlie, Isabel, Kaiulani, Karen, Lenka, Maya, Michael, Monte, Nikki, Patricia, Paula, Rachel, Robin, Roxanne, sandown9, Sonia, Susan, Tatiana, Taylor, Terri, Yana
Click here to become a Patreon supporter:
Or you can make a secure one-off or recurring donation below (payments processed by Stripe).
Make a one-time donation
Make a monthly donation
Make a yearly donation
Choose an amount
Or enter a custom amount
Thank you, your contribution is greatly appreciated!
Your contribution is appreciated.
Your contribution is appreciated.
DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearlyTOOLS & RESOURCES FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
My Daily Reflection Tool is a buy-once-use-forever PDF tool that helps you to do the work that will lead to better mental health and well-being. Plus I have a Masterclass Video which is like your own coaching session with me so that you can get the most out of your daily tool. Buy the two as a bundle and save 20% for a limited time! Click the links below for your chosen product(s):
Click here for details of mental health resources in most countries.
SUBSCRIBE
Sign up here to have episode transcripts and my newsletter Thursday Thoughts land in your inbox each week:
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
Find more content at www.letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au
Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Making Mental Health Simple.
The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or mental health professional if you’re struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.
