What is peace of mind? How does it help with making your mental health a priority? And how can you make better decisions that build your personal growth and sense of calm?
That’s what I’m talking about this week here on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast focused on helping you to improve your mental health, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…
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This podcast episode was originally released on 9 April, 2023.
Hello and welcome to Episode 174, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about peace of mind and mental health!
I’m Jeremy Godwin and I share practical tips for improving your mental health based on quality research and my own personal experience of learning how to live with anxiety and depression following a breakdown in late 2011. Each week I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing.
In this episode I’ll be talking about what peace of mind is, why it matters for your mental health, and how to find greater peace of mind in your life. So, let’s talk about peace of mind!
Introduction
I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 32 (it’s a long story involving being in an accident when I was 18 which put me off; I won’t go into it as I’m sure I’ve discussed it in past episodes)… anyway, I remember when I got my first car I had someone question why it was just a little five door hatchback Suzuki Swift and frankly I don’t understand why people feel the need to judge other people on the cars they drive or the houses they live in.
Even back then, when I was earning a six figure salary, I never understood the desire to spend a stupid amount of money on a car that would just serve to get me from A to B. I mean no disrespect to anyone here, and you make the choices that feel right to you, but for me I’d rather have peace of mind than have to spend extra money on a car just because that’s what other people think is right; I just don’t think it’s necessary or practical or smart to go and spend a ridiculous fortune on an expensive car when that comes with a series of ongoing costs well beyond the financial; every choice we make in life has a cost, in terms of what we have to do to pay for it and what we have to give up to earn that money, and I’d rather work fewer hours and drive an average car than spend a small fortune on a high-end car but have to work stupid hours to pay for it. Again, that’s my choice and I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that if it feels right for you… I just think you need to really consider the true cost of the choices you make and how it affects your peace of mind.
Because peace of mind is this kind of vague concept that’s hard to put down on paper (and trust me when I say that, because I’m trying to write an episode about it!), but I feel like it’s a “we know it when we see it” thing — or maybe more “we know it when we feel it” — because we can all conjure up an idea of what ‘peace of mind’ means to each of us. I mean, what does peace of mind mean to you? Because we’re all going to have our own definition of what that looks and feels like, and why it may or may not be important, but it’s really up to you to get a sense of what the idea of peace and peacefulness actually means for you. For me it means avoiding drama, not putting up with crap, and structuring my life in a way that prioritises simplicity and which also gives me space to actually enjoy my life, rather than feeling like all I do is work/sleep/work/sleep/work/sleep.
So I’m getting a bit ahead of myself; let’s go through some definitions and let’s talk about…
What is peace of mind?
And I’m going to answer that question with a quote from an article by PsychCentral (which will be linked in the transcript); the quote is:
“Peace of mind, also described as inner calm, refers to an internal state of tranquility. When you have mental peace, you might feel […] at ease within yourself, [have] a sense of self-compassion, [be] unruffled by day-to-day worries, [and be] prepared to welcome whatever life tosses your way… You might assume you can only find peace from within when you’re finally completely free of troubles, but that’s not the case. In fact, it often works the other way around. Feeling at peace internally can boost overall contentment and feelings of happiness, regardless of the challenges you face. A relaxed and calm outlook can help you navigate life’s often-turbulent waters more smoothly.”
And, again, that article is linked in the transcript which you’ll find for free at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au/episodes in English, Spanish and Portuguese.
So, peace of mind is basically all about feeling calm and clear-headed, and not being weighed down by worries, stress, or anxiety; that doesn’t mean you don’t have challenges and issues to deal with, but that you’re able to approach them in a calm and considered way. It’s a state of mind where you can accept your current situation, feel content and fulfilled, and have a positive outlook on life regardless of your present circumstances and what’s going on immediately around you and in the wider world. It’s not about just burying your head in the sand about difficulties (like Frank Costanza in Seinfeld yelling, “Serenity now!”), but it’s about choosing to prioritise calmly dealing with issues if and when they arise.
Achieving peace of mind is different for everyone and it can be influenced by factors like your mental health, physical health, emotional health, your relationships, and your life experiences. It’s a feeling of being centred and grounded in your daily life and being able to handle whatever comes your way, without feeling completely overwhelmed or overly stressed.
And beyond all of that, it’s about making life choices that align with what matters most to you and setting fair and consistent boundaries, and consciously choosing to walk away from drama and toxicity if necessary in order to protect your peace of mind. And, most importantly, it’s about choosing to focus on what is within your control and be much more accepting about all the stuff that is out of your control.
So over the past few months I seem to have had quite a number of reminders that there will always be things out of my control: several maintenance issues popped up at home, two online orders I did were completely messed up, my car air conditioning stopped working for the second time in less than four months (and right on the first day of a week-long heatwave; it was like driving around in an oven on wheels), and more.
Honestly, most of them weren’t big deals (except for the air in my car, because I hate the heat!). But the thing is that when I was younger I used to be prone to stamping my feet a lot when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to (and to be fair to my past self, that’s a response that’s rooted in both childhood trauma and the fact that my parents were both like that)… but since you didn’t come here to discuss the work I’ve done in my therapy sessions to understand why I default to that type of behaviour, the point is that I’ve reached a place now where I understand that the only sane and healthy choice in the face of chaos and shenanigans is surrender (which I talked about recently in Episode 171).
Now, surrendering doesn’t mean that you like what’s going on or that you approve of it (because I certainly do not approve of my car’s busted air conditioning!), but it does mean that you stop shaking your fist at the sky when it rains and instead that you learn to accept the fact it is raining.
And so that leads me to the next part of this episode…
Why peace of mind matters for your mental health
And it matters because choosing anything else will drive you up the wall!
Peace of mind is important for your mental health because it helps you to make smarter choices, to manage stress and anxiety, and to stay positive even when life gets tough. When you feel calm and centred, you’re going to be much better equipped to handle whatever challenges come your way. You’re also much more likely to have healthy relationships, good communication skills, and a sense of purpose in your life.
On the other hand, when you lack peace of mind you can find yourself feeling overwhelmed and stressed out which can lead to all sorts of mental health problems like depression, anxiety, and PTSD. It can also take a toll on your physical health, causing issues like high blood pressure and heart disease.
One of the biggest things that helps you develop and maintain a sense of calm and general peace of mind is to be authentic and true to yourself, and to make your own mind up about the world and how you want to live your life.
In what is going to be a very specific example about a topic that I bang on about a lot in this podcast, this is precisely the reason why I don’t watch the news and I’m incredibly selective about where I read the news; in case you’re not familiar, I only look at the news once or twice a day and I make sure it’s from an objective source that just reports the facts. Why? Because I’d much rather read it on my own terms than have it shouted at me and being told what to think! That’s not me sticking my head in the sand, because I stay very well informed; that’s simply me not wishing to have my attention and emotions dictated to me by news services who are focused on making money… I don’t need to be told how to think because I’m an adult with critical reasoning skills! Give me the facts and let me make an informed decision.
So… what does any of that have to do with peace of mind? No idea, but if you figure it out please tell me! [Laughs] No, seriously, it does make sense when you think about it, because we have all these different things competing for our attention in the world and honestly so much of it is just noise… and I don’t know about you, but the more I pay attention to the noise the more difficult it is to find any real peace of mind, so you need to make smart decisions that involve putting your sense of calm and peace of mind above all of the stuff that distracts us from what truly matters to us.
So, if you want to take care of your mental health, it’s important to work on cultivating your peace of mind. That means taking care of yourself emotionally and mentally, learning to manage stress in healthy ways, setting and maintaining clear boundaries, tackling difficult conversations when you need to, and proactively finding meaning and purpose in your life. By doing these things, you can live a much happier and healthier life, and be much more well-equipped to handle whatever comes your way.
But how do you do that? Well, let’s get into the how-to part of this episode and let’s talk about…
How to find greater peace of mind in your life
And I’m going to start with a tough one, which is remove drama from your life — alright, so I’m going to be really blunt here: don’t tell me that you want peace of mind, and then run, arms wide open, towards drama! Don’t tell yourself that you want a peaceful life and a peaceful existence, and then go out of your way to do things that create pain, suffering, and drama for yourself and for others! If you’re one of my clients and this advice sounds familiar to you, well, it probably is! This is one of the most common pieces of advice that I give, both here on the podcast and when I’m dealing with people one and one, because it’s something a lot of people struggle with. Here’s the cold, hard truth: focusing on peace of mind, above all else, requires you to make some tough decisions about what you will, and will not, accept in your life, and realistically speaking a lot of the people and situations we allow in our lives do very little to bring us peace of mind… instead, they have a tendency to ramp up the drama and drive us bonkers! But you get to decide who has access to you, and what that access looks and feels like, and so if you keep on choosing to allow people and situations in your life that are detracting from your peace of mind, and are also driving you bonkers, then I hate to be this blunt, but you are responsible for that; don’t get me wrong, you’re not responsible for the choices that other people make and how they behave towards you, but you are responsible for who you allow into your life and how you let them treat you. If you want peace of mind, then you’re going to need to make some tough decisions and make some changes… because nothing changes if nothing changes. And that leads to my next point…
Look within — because no matter how hard you try, peace of mind just cannot be found in external things or in other people; true peace of mind only ever comes from within you, and it comes from accepting that what is is what is, and from focusing on what you can control rather than what you can never hope to control. You are the one constant in your own life, and I’m sure you’re well aware of the fact that it’s the choices you make that determine how satisfied or dissatisfied you are with your life. Nothing and nobody else can truly make you happy or help you find peace — that’s an inside job, and it’s one that you achieve by working on yourself a little each day and by being proactive about looking after your mental, physical and emotional health. You can do that by focusing on my next point, which is…
Look after yourself — and this is basically me telling you to make sure you meet your needs rather than neglecting them, and that you show yourself genuine kindness, self-compassion and self-acceptance; I mean, honestly, you know that nobody can or will do it for you, right?! It’s up to you to look after yourself and you have to remember that we all need time to recharge our batteries, so make time for self-care every single day (like reading, spending time sitting outside, going for a walk, getting plenty of quality sleep, eating well, finding healthy coping mechanisms instead of drinking, eating, or snorting your feelings, etc.) and allow yourself down-time in order to rest and recharge your energy, which will then help you to feel a lot calmer. I talked about self-compassion in Episode 153, self-acceptance in Episode 154, and self-care all the way back in Episode 6 when I was a baby podcaster, so you can check those out to explore those topics further. OK, next…
Focus on what really matters to you — because there is always so much stuff competing for our attention in the world, but honestly most of it really is just noise. What matters most to you? For me it’s my relationship, our pets, our home and my peace of mind that matter most; don’t get me wrong, I love what I do for work, but it comes fifth on the list of things that matter most to me! The point here is that your priorities actually serve to show you where your energy and focus should go: if it matters, make it matter… and if it doesn’t matter then it just does not matter, so either let it go or let go of your attachment to it. It’s like with work; it’s just a job, not your entire identity, and when you embrace that fact and put it into context it can feel so incredibly freeing and it helps you to reduce the amount of space it takes up in your head! OK, next…
Build and maintain healthy relationships — because, and I hate to state the obvious here (but I will!), a healthy relationship is good for your peace of mind, whereas an unhealthy relationship is bad for your peace of mind. Funny that! But do you know how often we cling to unhealthy relationships because of obligation or because we don’t know any better? A lot, that’s how often! Look, like I said earlier, you are in full control of who has access to you and what that access looks and feels like, and it doesn’t matter who the person is and what their relationship is to you… if the relationship is a hot mess then set clear boundaries, work on improving the relationship, and then, if it doesn’t improve, walk away. I talked about how to handle dysfunctional relationships in Episode 168 and I covered boundaries back in Episode 53, so I’m sure both of those will be very helpful. One way to build better relationships is with my next point…
Tackle difficult conversations — because I think you’d be very surprised by the amount of issues that could be resolved simply by having an honest conversation! Actually, I don’t think you’d be that surprised… because we all know intuitively that there are certain things that need to be said, and yet we avoid conflict like the plague! Why? Because it’s uncomfortable. And we human beings are hardwired to avoid anything that causes us discomfort and pain. But do you know what does cause discomfort and pain? Leaving things unsaid that need to be said! Because that stuff will fester, and resentment will build and build over time, and new resentments and frustrations will get added to that, and eventually it will manifest in relationship difficulties, or a toxic relationship, or just general drama. Do yourself a favour, for the sake of your peace of mind, and learn how to become comfortable with uncomfortable conversations. I discussed that in Episode 165 about disagreements, where I explored how to have difficult conversations about things and differences of opinion without it needing to turn into World War Three. The main point here is: the longer you leave it, the harder it is to deal with… and the more likely it is that it will become bigger, and therefore be harder to resolve. And frankly, that’s not helpful for anybody, let alone you and your peace of mind! OK, so my next point is…
Simplify your life — because I have found, through personal experience, that there’s a fairly straightforward equation for life: complexity equals more drama, and simplicity equals less drama. Who’d have thought?! I think there’s a temptation to feel like we have to take on more and more all the time, and that we have to juggle a thousand different things in order to feel like we’re using our time productively, but in my experience the more you actively refine your focus down to the bare minimum of what matters most to you, and then choose how you use the rest of your time and attention much more carefully, the more you’ll then find yourself able to give proper attention to the things that really matter to you. Back when I worked in corporate, my partner and I had very little quality time together (it was basically a case of come home, eat, then sleep most nights!); now, we make our time together a priority and we take that very seriously, because that’s the thing that matters most to us. I have turned down multiple clients and work offers because the time differences meant I would be eating into my time with my partner. Anyway, ‘simplicity’ is going to look and feel differently to each of us and I’m certainly not suggesting you do nothing (how boring would that be?!), but figure out what simplicity is for you and how that can align to what matters most to you (and I covered simplicity in Episode 63 if you’d like tips on how to do that). OK, next…
Cultivate a positive mindset — because whether you look for the positive or you look for the negative, what you look for is what you will find. We human beings tend to find it easier to focus on the not-so-great stuff in life (thanks to a fun little thing called ‘the negativity bias’, and I’ll be covering that topic in its own episode later this year), but the thing is that we get to choose what we focus on… which means that, thankfully, you can consciously redirect your attention towards the positive. And why does that matter? Well, if you focus all or most of your energy on problems and issues then what are you going to see? Problems and issues! However if you turn your attention towards solutions to those problems and issues, guess what you’ll find? Yep… solutions! Of course there’s more to it than just your mindset (I mean, you have to actually do the work as well), but the piece here is that by consciously turning your focus to solution-based thinking you’ll then be more likely to resolve and overcome problems, which then leads to you feeling more optimistic about life, which leads to greater peace of mind because… well… less problems equals less problems! I talked about mindset about a hundred years ago in Episode 31 plus I covered optimism (and, more specifically, realistic optimism) back in Episode 47. OK, next…
Make considered choices — and the subtext of this particular piece of advice is to stop consciously or subconsciously choosing things that take away from your peace of mind. That means to stop putting yourself in situations that aren’t good for you, stop holding yourself back from being all that you can be, stop repeating patterns that aren’t working for you, stop actively chasing after things that make you miserable, and stop choosing things that make you feel crap about yourself! Everything and everyone that you allow into your life is your choice, so it’s up to you to really think about the choices you’re making and to ensure that those choices are in your own best interests. If you want peace of mind then you need to make peace of mind a priority, and that may mean having to make some tough choices; if you want some help with that, check out Episode 135 about choices. Just please remember this: just because you want something, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you need it; and it also doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s right for you.
Summary and Close-Out
Because when it comes to peace of mind and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Peace of mind is a state of being that’s closely connected to your mental health and general wellbeing. When you’re proactive about managing stress and developing healthy coping mechanisms for the challenges that life will inevitably throw your way sometimes, you can feel more fulfilled and have a greater sense of clarity about who you are and who you are not. Peace of mind isn’t just about feeling calm and clear-headed; it’s about finding greater purpose and meaning in life. When you choose to make your peace of mind a priority, you’re choosing to create a life for yourself that feels more intentional. You have the power to cultivate a sense of calm and clarity within yourself, and to live a fulfilling and purposeful life; it takes effort and perseverance, but it’s definitely worth it!
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today?
Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by the French writer Victor Hugo, and it is:
“In calmness lies true pleasure.”
Victor Hugo
Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.
Next week I’ll be talking about routine. Having a set routine, one that is balanced with plenty of space for variety and spontaneity and yet which keeps you moving towards your goals, plays a critical role in good mental health because it helps you to build stability, strength and confidence. But how do you build a routine that doesn’t feel rigid and constricting, but which also keeps you on track? That’s what I’m talking about next time! I’ll be talking about what routine is, why routine matters, and how to build a balanced routine for the sake of your mental health.
I hope you’ll join me for that episode which will be released on Sunday the 16th of April, 2023.
You can catch a mini video version of this episode, focused on how to build greater peace of mind, on Spotify and YouTube.
And if you’d like more inspiration for looking after your mental health then sign up for my free newsletter Thursday Thoughts plus follow my two Instagram accounts, @ltamentalhealth and @itsjeremygodwin, where I post extra content daily. And you can explore exclusive extra content plus early access to episodes by becoming a supporter on Patreon. You’ll find all of those linked in the episode description and in the transcript at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au.
Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
Jeremy 🙂
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media, helping you find gratitude and meaning. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com
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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.
Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2023 Jeremy Godwin.
The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.
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