By Jeremy Godwin
What is a metamorphosis and how does it help you to improve your mental health and wellbeing? That’s what I’m talking about this week on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast about looking after your wellbeing, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…
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This podcast episode was originally released on 18 September, 2022.
Hello and welcome to Episode 149, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about metamorphosis and mental health!
I’m Jeremy Godwin and I share simple ideas for better mental health.
I spent most of the 2010’s dealing with severe anxiety and depression, after a breakdown in late 2011, which led me to want to learn more about my mental health… so I went back to school and studied psychology and sociology, and now I share simple tips for how to improve your mental wellbeing, from someone who actually understands what it’s like to go through mental health challenges.
Each episode I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing. In this episode I’ll be talking about what metamorphosis is, why it matters, and how to transform your life in a considered and mindful way. So, let’s talk about metamorphosis!
Introduction
I have been looking forward to this topic for a very long time, not least because as a writer I have a deep and profound love for the English language and the word ‘metamorphosis’ is one of those fantastic words that feels really enjoyable to say (yep, I’m a language nerd who actually enjoys particular words more than others!).
For me, ‘metamorphosis’ is more than just a fun word to say (like ‘discombobulated’ or ‘perpendicular’); the idea of going through a complete and utter metamorphosis is, to me at least, evidence of what it is that makes us human: our ability to grow, to evolve, to better ourselves — and our circumstances — through sheer force of will.
There’s a slightly-obscure Pet Shop Boys song from the mid-90’s off of their Bilingual album which is called, funnily enough, Metamorphosis (Track 3 if you’re interested), and it has a line that goes, “You grow up and experience this, A total metamorphosis.” Now, aside from the fact that that song just happened to pop up this week when I was playing music in my car on shuffle (and I love the way the universe works, because of course that song played when I was working on the very same topic!), I wanted to share that line because the majority of us really do go through a complete and utter transformation from who we were as children and teenagers then into who we become as adults, and I think that most of us keep on evolving — whether we realise it or not — to the point where we can transform into very different people at various stages throughout our adulthood; I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am a very different person now than the version of me from five years ago, let alone 10 or 20 years ago.
It’s your ability to grow and evolve that defines your humanity and which allows you to reshape yourself into an entirely different person over time, and that means that you can totally transform your life in order to do and be almost anything with time, effort and perseverance (and I say ‘almost’ anything because there are still some limits; you can’t be an octopus, no matter how hard you try!).
So before I go too far down the rabbit hole of getting all philosophical about personal transformations, let’s go through some definitions and let’s talk about…
What is metamorphosis?
And the word has two meanings; the first describes the biological process that some creatures, like certain insects or amphibians, go through to transform into a different adult form (the most well-known being a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly), and the second is a broader definition that describes “a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one” (and that definition comes from the Oxford Dictionary).
So, the physical process of metamorphosis is quite interesting however I’m mindful that you didn’t come here for a discussion of biology or entomology, so let me keep this brief and highlight that a caterpillar doesn’t just pop into a cocoon for a little sleep and grow some wings, emerging as a butterfly… oh no! The caterpillar sheds its skin, leaving a gooey and gloopy mess that transforms into a butterfly over a prolonged period of time. And I think that also helps to picture the psychological process of metamorphosis that we can go through as human beings, because I know from my own experience that it can often involve being mentally broken down into a gooey and gloopy mess before then beginning to rebuild in order to emerge as something that keeps the best of the old and uses the very essence of the past self to transform into something new.
And at this point I can almost hear you ask, “But Jeremy, why didn’t you just call this episode Let’s Talk About… Transformation then?” I’ll tell you why.
When I was a kid, I was into the Transformers for a while (we’re talking about the first time they came out, back in the mid-80’s) and the thing with the Autobots and Decepticons was that you could transform them into robots and then convert them back into cars or trucks or whatever… the point is that with transformations you can sometimes choose to go backwards (depending on the situation and the context), whereas a true metamorphosis is irreversible; try stuffing a butterfly back into a cocoon and I guarantee you that you’re not going to be able to turn it back into a caterpillar, my friends!
Once you learn what you need to learn, and you see what you need to see, you’ll begin to understand that there is no way of going back, regardless of how difficult, challenging or even terrifying things might become… because you understand that a true metamorphosis is a necessary step to allow you to evolve into the best version of yourself possible.
And so that leads to the next part of this episode…
Why metamorphosis matters
And I’m going to be really blunt here (which is so unlike me, I know): if you’re not growing, changing and evolving, what are you doing? You’re staying the same. And that means staying stuck while everyone and everything around you moves forward. I’m certainly not suggesting that you have to try and keep up with everyone else (because, frankly, comparisons are pointless; to hell with what other people are doing!), but my point is that circumstances change and the world changes, and you can either adapt and evolve or you can stay left behind.
The thing about staying stuck and not being willing to grow is that it can lead you to feel less satisfied with your life, over time, because it can hold you back from reaching your full potential. Imagine if we just peaked in high school and then never did anything new ever again for the rest of our lives? The idea of spending decades and decades being the same person I was when I was 17 or 18 is actually quite horrifying; that guy was OK, but he was also a bit of a dick because he had no idea who he really was so he was trying to be someone and something that he wasn’t to gain approval from people that weren’t particularly nice in the first place!
I know that I talk about my own transformative experiences over the last decade or so a lot on this show — like my mental health struggles, going back to university as a mature age student, moving out of the city and to the country, starting the work I do now — and I talk about all of that because I think sometimes I’m genuinely in awe of the complete and utter metamorphosis that I’ve been through in the last decade; I promise you it’s not that I just like talking about those things, or that I like the sound of my own voice… I’m honestly in shock sometimes when I think about just how much has transformed in my life!
I’m sharing all of that because I’m very, very aware that — for me, at least — it was my mental health struggles that actually forced me kicking and screaming into a metamorphosis, and I’m now able to look back and say hand-on-heart that I wouldn’t change any of it; it might not have been what I would have chosen for myself, and it certainly was not easy, yet it pushed me to make changes that I would never ever have found the strength to make if I hadn’t have been forced to do so. Just because true transformations are tough, and even sometimes painful, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t necessary; what’s right for you is not always easy.
Because this is the power of metamorphosis: when you realise that if nothing changes then nothing changes, and when you give yourself permission to let go of the old in order to make way for the new, you are taking the first steps on the journey of a lifetime… a journey that will very likely involve tough choices and unexpected twists and turns along the way, and I guarantee you that it’s probably going to throw some surprises and challenges at you, and make you rethink most — if not all — of what you think you know about yourself and the world. But to completely and irreversibly transform your life, you need to be prepared to completely and irreversibly transform your life in order to grow and evolve.
How do you do that? Well, let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about…
How to transform your life in a considered and mindful way
Alright, so let’s start with think about what you actually want out of life — because there are basically infinite options and infinite possibilities in terms of what you might choose to do or not do, so you need to know what it is that you actually want… otherwise you’ll just find yourself going through the motions and drifting wherever the wind blows you. Funnily enough, that was how I ended up moving out of managing training and recruitment and into contact centre management; I was encouraged to try new things at work and I went along with it because I was bored in my job and also I was flattered that I was being considered to take on more responsibilities, and the next thing you know I was running a centre of over 200 people and trying to juggle all the competing demands and I was miserable. Lesson learnt: do not ever allow yourself to be ‘suggested’ into doing something that your heart isn’t committed to (I say ‘suggested’ rather than ‘forced into’ because, in my case at least, I definitely wasn’t forced; just nudged in that direction… I made my choices and I take full responsibility for them). The point is that you need to know what you really want in order to be able to make more informed choices (in my case, creativity is a really important part of who I am and what I want out of life, which is why it didn’t work for me moving into a totally non-creative field like contact centre management!). And so that leads to my next point…
Think about your needs — because knowing what you need, and whether or not those needs are being met, will go a long way towards determining how you feel about your life today and where you might need to steer your focus in the future. We all have core human needs like food, water and shelter for our survival, but then beyond those basic needs we then have more complex needs for things like love and belonging, self-respect, meaning and achieving goals, and so when you can identify your needs clearly they can serve to inform you of what you need to focus on. I covered needs in Episode 137 along with focus in Episode 86, and you’ll find those helpful for digging into the subject of needs in more detail so you can consider where you might need to pay more attention. OK, next…
Challenge your beliefs about yourself — because (and I hate to make your head explode, but here we go!) not everything you believe about yourself is true. Sometimes we think we’re supposed to be a particular type of person but, when we’re really honest with ourselves, that may be more about who we once thought we were supposed to be based on where we were at in our lives at that time or maybe even other peoples’ expectations. Let me explain with a personal example. I shared earlier about how I kind-of ‘fell’ into contact centre management (I mean, it wasn’t a total stretch; before I did training and recruitment I had actually been a team leader for several years in a contact centre, so it’s not like it came out of nowhere — and besides, all the training work I did was contact centre-focused… but I digress!). When I made the move into the new management role I enjoyed the variety and the newness of it for a few months, and then I began to feel disillusioned and unhappy again, the way that I had in my previous role (and that’s what had led me to telling my boss I wanted to try new things, which is how I ended up in the new role). On paper everything looked great and I had all these people telling me how wonderful it was that I was working my way up the corporate ladder, but meanwhile the voice in my head was continually screaming “I hate it!” but I just kept on ignoring that voice, until I couldn’t ignore it any longer… and so then I started drowning it out with all manner of distractions like alcohol and buying stupid things (and I mean really stupid; nobody needs a Moroccan tea set if they don’t actually make tea like that!). There are particular stories we tell ourselves about what’s supposed to matter to us and who we’re supposed to be, but a lot of those stories are tied up in what we think we want and need as opposed to what we actually want and need, so I suggest really taking time to understand the beliefs that you hold about yourself and challenge the ones that no longer make sense in terms of who you want to be (and I talked about beliefs in Episode 141). OK, next…
Identify your priorities — and who knew this one was coming? Oh, that’s right, all of you who listen regularly! I know, I say this one a lot and I do so because I’ve found it more and more effective in my own life to consciously remind myself of my priorities each and every day, because that then pushes me to be much smarter about the choices I make and to say no to things that don’t align with what actually matters to me. Why? Because that’s how you begin to shape a life that feels truly meaningful to you. I talked about priorities back in Episode 3 and I also recently released a video on my YouTube channel about figuring out your priorities which has additional tips not covered in the podcast episode, and you’ll find that video linked in the episode description (and, just quickly, I am now posting videos on YouTube twice a week — Sundays and Thursdays — so subscribe to my channel and turn on notifications for even more simple tips for better mental health every week). OK, next…
Focus on finding purpose in your life — because without a sense of purpose and meaning, you’re basically just rudderless and you don’t have a clear idea of where you’re heading and why… which can make it almost impossible to figure out what transformations you need to make and why (and it also increases the likelihood that you’ll give up and go back to old and familiar ways of doing things, because it’s more comfortable than the uncertainty of the unknown). And let me say this once and for all: I do not believe that we are born with just one purpose in life and one purpose only! I believe that there are infinite possibilities for each of us, and it comes down to discovering what feels purposeful and meaningful for you at this point in your life… and that also means that what feels like a purpose today may not feel that way tomorrow, and that’s OK; you’re allowed to evolve and grow, and you don’t have to do or be something just because that’s what you wanted to do when you were 12! I talked about purpose broadly back in Episode 20 and next week, in my 150th episode of the podcast, I’m going to be digging deeper into finding purpose… so keep an eye out for that! OK, next…
Consider what is working versus what isn’t — because if it isn’t working then that’s your first super-strong hint that whatever it is needs to be addressed! In most things you only really have three options: leave things as they are and continue to be dissatisfied or unhappy about them (because if nothing changes then nothing changes), accept things as they are and make your peace with them, or make a change (bearing in mind that you can only control yourself and what you choose to say and do). If something in your life isn’t working, like a relationship or your job or whatever, I want you to think about why it’s not working and what you want or need instead, and then look at what it is that you (and you alone) can do to change the situation, because that’s how you transform things in a healthy way; there’s no point wasting your energy hoping that someone else will change when you have no direct control over whether or not they choose to change… all you can do is change your part of the situation. I mean, don’t make changes just for the sake of it but also don’t just bail at the first sign of trouble. For example, if your workplace is a toxic nightmare then you can absolutely try to influence positive change however the reality is that if that doesn’t work then you’re most likely going to have to leave and find somewhere else to work, since that’s the one thing you do have control over. And I mentioned before to also consider what is working and that might make you think of that old saying, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” I bring that up because I sort-of agree with it but I also sort-of don’t, so let me explain. If it’s a stagnant situation or you don’t feel satisfied, maybe it’s not totally broken but you might need to break it a bit (or a lot) in order to push yourself forward! Don’t settle for mediocrity in life, because mediocrity leads to dissatisfaction in the long term. Plus that “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” saying has been used for years by people who want to limit the rights and freedoms of others, so you hopefully know by now that I think that’s nonsense and people are people; giving equality to others doesn’t take it away from you! Alright, let me step down from my soapbox and let’s move on to my next tip which is…
Take your time — because Rome wasn’t built in a day and your metamorphosis as a human being isn’t going to happen overnight! Think about the bigger picture in terms of what you want to achieve and then make small, incremental changes on a daily or weekly basis that help you to take steps towards your longer-term goals. You wouldn’t try to compete in the Olympics without first building your skills and fitness over time, so focus on one day at a time and keep pushing yourself to work on your priorities, needs and goals. And that leads to my next point…
Make growth a priority — because when you learn, you grow… so make your growth a priority, and remember that what you focus on is what you focus on! You do that by planning (which I talked about in Episode 113), trying new things on a regular basis and by working on building your capabilities bit by bit (which I covered in Episode 144), and then allowing yourself to make mistakes rather than being scared of failure (and I covered mistakes in Episode 2 and failure in Episode 84). It can be as detailed as completing a course or degree, or it could be as simple as reading a book or reviewing something inspiring and motivating every day; over on my @jeremygodwinofficial account on Instagram, I post short 30-second videos every day where I share Life Advice That Doesn’t Suck so you might find that helpful as a simple way to focus on your personal growth each day (and my account is linked in the episode description and in the transcript, which you’ll find for free at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au/episodes). OK, next…
Be prepared to make difficult choices if and when you need to — because you may find that situations and relationships no longer serve your best interests, and so you may need to either change the nature of it or walk away from it entirely. That can be really hard to do (and I covered difficult choices in Episode 89) and you need to allow yourself time and space to grieve the loss if it happens; for example, just because you choose to remove someone from your life that doesn’t mean that it isn’t upsetting and so you need to allow yourself time to work through those feelings in order to process them. It’s OK to feel conflicted about having to make the tough choices, but here’s the thing: you can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs, and you can’t transform your life without letting go of old situations and relationships that no longer support your work to be the best version of yourself possible. If conflict is something you find difficult to deal with (and really, who doesn’t?!) then it’s one of the topics I cover in my book, Let’s Talk About Mental Health (Volume One), which is available from Amazon and Apple Books (and it’s linked in the episode description as well as on my website). And so that leads to my next point…
Get support — because this whole ‘transform your entire life from the inside-out’ thing is tough and challenging work, but you don’t have to go through it alone! Work with someone (like a coach, counsellor or therapist) who can help you to look at things objectively and also guide you to stay focused on the desired goals and outcomes that you want to achieve in order to work towards being the very best version of yourself possible.
And you’ll find even more tips on this topic in the shorter video version of this episode on my YouTube channel, and it’s linked in the episode description.
Summary and Close-Out
Because when it comes to metamorphosis and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Part of the human experience is recognising that we all grow and evolve over time; what mattered to you at the age of 10 is very unlikely to still matter at 20, 30, 40… you live, you learn, you grow, you evolve. Metamorphosis is about recognising that you are in control of your own destiny, and so if you find yourself at a place in your life where there are situations or relationships that are no longer working for you, or which aren’t in line with your needs or who you hope to be, then you find yourself at a crossroads; do you stay standing still, unable to make a choice? Do you turn left and continue down a path of allowing yourself to be led by external events and circumstances? Or do you choose to turn right and begin a complete transformation of your life, letting go of things that no longer serve your interests or your highest good?
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today?
Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by English poet and writer David Everett, and it is:
“Large streams from little fountains flow, Tall oaks from little acorns grow.”
David Everett
Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.
Next week I’ll be talking about finding purpose. I talked broadly in Episode 20 about purpose and since that episode was written and released in early 2020, it feels like it’s time to revisit the idea of purpose for two reasons: one, the world has changed so much since then that the idea of finding greater purpose and meaning is more relevant now than ever before, and two, I feel like that episode was a lot more conceptual than the way I write episodes now, and so I want to spend some time diving in to the practical ways to find a sense of purpose and meaning in your life. So, next time I’ll be talking about what finding purpose is (and what it isn’t), why finding purpose matters, and how to find a greater sense of purpose in your life.
I hope you’ll join me for that episode, which will be released on Sunday the 25th of September, 2022.
You can find more content about better mental health in my book, Let’s Talk About Mental Health (Volume One); buy it now in print from Amazon or buy the eBook from Amazon or Apple Books, and it’s linked in the episode description or visit my website at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au.
Watch my weekly videos on YouTube for more tips on better mental health, plus sign up to my mailing list for my free weekly newsletter, Thursday Thoughts, where I share a quick dose of inspiration (and those are all linked in the episode description).
And if you find my content helpful then come and join me on Patreon where I offer exclusive benefits for my supporters. Plus you can find me on Instagram @ltamentalhealth and say hi!
Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
Jeremy 🙂
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media, helping you find gratitude and meaning. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com
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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.
Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2022 Jeremy Godwin.
The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.
