Let’s Talk About… Overwhelm

By Jeremy Godwin

What is overwhelm, and how can you stop being overwhelmed? That’s what I’m talking about this week on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast about looking after your wellbeing, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…

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This podcast episode was originally released on 4 September, 2022.

Hello and welcome to Episode 147, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about overwhelm and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin and I talk about looking after your mental health. I spent most of the 2010’s dealing with severe anxiety and depression, after a breakdown in late 2011, and that led me to want to learn more about my mental health… so I went back to school and studied psychology and sociology, and now I share simple tips for how to improve your mental wellbeing, from someone who actually understands what it’s like to go through mental health challenges. Each episode I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing.

In this episode I’ll be talking about what overwhelm is (and what it isn’t), why dealing with overwhelm matters, and how to cope with being overwhelmed in a healthy way. 

And remember that you can find even more tips for better mental health in my book, Let’s Talk About Mental Health (Volume One). Buy it in print from Amazon worldwide or as an eBook from Amazon and Apple Books, and it’s linked in the episode description.

Alright, let’s talk about overwhelm!

Introduction

I had a weekend in the first half of August where everything seemed to happen all at once. On the Friday I was coming down with a head cold while also rushing to get my work finished, then that night we had an issue with someone trespassing onto our property late at night (I chased them away by shouting at them from the front door; nobody gets between me and my sleep!), then on Saturday I was very sick (not helped by only three hours of sleep the night before) and we unexpectedly adopted a stray kitten (his name is Gizmo and he’s settling in well with our other cat, Igor), then our dishwasher died, then on Sunday the person who I think it was that entered our yard on the Friday (as in, they actually opened the gate and were coming in when I caught them) was lurking around at the front (I say ‘who I think it was’ because I’m 99.9% sure it was the same person, but it was dark and I didn’t have my glasses on so it could have been Elvis Presley and I wouldn’t know for sure… but it’s a small town and so there are only a couple of troublemakers around). 

Anyway my point with all this is that by Sunday afternoon I was completely overwhelmed, mentally and emotionally, and because I felt so sick (I was worse by then) I just wanted to shout “come on, give me a break!” at the universe because it was too much all at once, and terrible timing. 

Thankfully things have settled down since then, but that weekend has made me really think about how I manage myself when I become overwhelmed — either from work or overwhelmed by emotions — because it’s definitely something I live with at times, since anxiety and overwhelm can often go hand-in-hand.

Most, if not all, of us can become overwhelmed at times, because we have so many things going on in our lives and in the wider world around us. However, overcoming overwhelm doesn’t just happen; it takes effort. Luckily there are a few simple things you can do to deal with overwhelm in the moment, as well as ways you can reduce overwhelm longer-term, and in a minute I’ll talk you through a few ways to do that.

Let’s first go through some definitions and let’s talk about… 

What is overwhelm?

And it’s basically that feeling you get when you have so much going on that you either don’t know where to start or where you just don’t feel like you’re making any progress (or both). It can also describe the feeling of being overwhelmed by emotions, where you find it hard to regulate your emotional state because you’re experiencing strong feelings. If left unaddressed, overwhelm can lead to stress (which, in turn, can lead to burnout).

You might feel overwhelmed at home, where there are lots of different commitments and tasks competing for your attention, or you may become overwhelmed at work, especially when it feels like there are too many things to do and not enough time to do them (or where your boss keeps on heaping more and more work on you and then constantly bombarding you with phone calls and messages to see how much longer it will take you… I had a boss that used to do that and it took every last ounce of self-control I had not to scream at him to JUST LET ME DO MY JOB!!! But enough about my trauma from my past career in the corporate sector…!). If you’re a student then you’re probably all-too-familiar with the fact that assignments all seem to be due at the exact same time (seriously, why does that happen?!). 

Whatever the reason, when you feel overwhelmed you might struggle to make much progress (or any) because you just feel inundated with too many commitments. It can also lead you to go into shutdown mode, where you either don’t want to do anything or you just cannot bring yourself to do anything (my default when I’m like this is to want to curl up on the couch with my headphones on and avoid the world; thankfully, I usually find that a few hours of that helps me to calm myself and reset my emotions). 

Here’s what overwhelm is not: it’s not a failure, and it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you… it’s simply your mind saying, “Hey, I’m not coping at the moment and I need a break.” Now, let’s face facts here and recognise that if overwhelm happens to you frequently then there’s a broader discussion to be had about whether you’re potentially dealing with stress or anxiety, or both (and I covered stress in Episode 8 and anxiety in Episode 102), so please don’t just ignore it and pretend everything will be fine, because denial isn’t helpful (and I talked about denial last week in Episode 146). The longer you delay things, the more you may be at risk from burning out (and I covered burnout back in Episode 18). The point here is more about being kind to yourself and recognising that becoming overwhelmed from time to time is understandable, especially since we all lead such busy lives. And so that leads to the next part of this topic…

Why dealing with overwhelm matters

And it matters because it can lead to stress or finding it difficult to manage your emotions. 

We all have different thresholds when it comes to managing stress, and it can be affected by not only what is going on in your life but also the wider world: home responsibilities, work commitments, family, pets, friends, pesky neighbours, financial issues, politics, the environment, living in the middle of a pandemic and trying to go about your business, general health concerns, other people doing stupid things, trying to keep up with all the Drag Race franchises (there are so many of them now, and I love them all, but it’s exhausting keeping up with them… that said I’m loving Drag Race Canada and Drag Race Philippines, and to all my listeners in the Philippines a big mabuhay!).

The point is that we tend to have a lot of things going on all at once and competing for our attention, and at the same time our capacity for managing all of that will depend on what’s happening in our lives at any given time, as well as the state of our overall health and wellbeing; when you’re struggling with your mental health, you might find that feeling overwhelmed happens more frequently (like I said, it does tend to go hand-in-hand with anxiety for a lot of people) so it’s important to be proactive about looking after yourself and managing your stress levels in order to minimise the risk of becoming overwhelmed, because prevention is better than cure. 

I also want to highlight that for many of us who might deal with overwhelm sometimes, when it’s happening it might seem like you can’t find a way out of it and it can feel like the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders; there’s an expression in English which is “can’t see the forest for the trees,” which means not being able to see or appreciate the larger situation because you’re bogged down in the detail of it at the moment and can only see what is directly in front of you. Sometimes we might feel so overwhelmed that we can’t see a way forward, but it’s there and you will find it… it’s a matter of being able to give yourself some time and space to breathe, in order to make sense of what is going on, and to allow yourself to step back and look at the bigger picture (and I’ll come back to this in a bit).

So, with all of that in mind, now let’s talk about…

How to cope with being overwhelmed in a healthy way

And a huge part of managing overwhelm involves being proactive about managing your wellbeing to reduce stress and regulate your emotions, and I’ll talk about how to do that in a bit. However, you’re still likely to experience periods of overwhelm even if you take a proactive approach to managing stress, because we all have ups and downs in our workload or emotions from time to time, so let’s start with some strategies that can help you to manage feelings of overwhelm in the moment, beginning with…

Breathe — and it’s such a simple suggestion yet so incredibly powerful; research indicates that deep breathing can both reduce stress and improve your mood (and I’ll put a link to a research paper on the role of deep breathing in stress in the transcript, which you’ll find at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au/episodes in English, Spanish & Italian — find it here: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27995346/). So, stop what you’re doing and gently inhale then exhale (you might even find it helpful to close your eyes while you’re doing it) and do that for a few minutes so that you can slowly re-centre yourself and allow your emotions to settle. Once you feel calmer, move on to my next tip which is… 

Pause and reflect — so, once you feel a bit calmer, ask yourself what you’re really feeling and why… because a lot of the initial overwhelmed reaction that we might have is because we feel worried, overworked, unsupported, etc. When you know what you’re really feeling, you can begin to look at things more clearly. Which leads to my next point…

Make a list — because I don’t know about you, but when I sit down and get everything out of my head and onto paper it helps me to feel much less overwhelmed, because then I can start to be more objective about it all and I can begin to slowly make some sense of it (instead of letting all those thoughts float around in my head, stressing me out). Write down everything that’s on your mind and don’t worry about filtering it or thinking about how it’s all going to be dealt with; just write it out to get it out. I think the best approach here is to just keep writing and writing until you eventually run out of steam (because these types of thoughts are better out than in!) and I also encourage you to use actual pen and paper for this if you can, because there’s something more tactile and physical with writing that helps you to release the overwhelmed energy. Once you’ve done all that, my next tip is…

Take a break — and at this point you’re probably thinking, “wait… what?!” so let me explain. If you’ve just expelled all of that pent-up overwhelmed energy, the last thing you want to do immediately is then try to go into problem-solving mode because you need a few minutes (at least) to settle yourself first, instead of just staying focused on the same thought processes; a break will help you to reset and refocus. Go make yourself a tea or coffee, take a quick walk around the block, watch a funny cat video on YouTube… even just a few minutes doing something else can help you to reset and that will make it much easier to do my next step, which is…

Prioritise — because you cannot possibly do all the things that are probably competing for your attention, so you’re going to have to make some choices because there are only so many hours in the day; I mean, hey, you can try to do all the things but you’re probably going to explode or go into shutdown… so, instead of trying to be a magician, why not choose to be kinder to yourself and focus on what is realistic rather than pushing yourself to the brink of exhaustion. Take a look at the list you created earlier and very carefully consider the priority of each thing on it, and then focus on the main three to five things that actually matter in terms of both urgency and priority. How do you identify that? Become crystal-clear on your own priorities in life (which I discussed back in Episode 3, about priorities) and then use that as the basis of your decisions; if it matters then make it matter, if it doesn’t matter then it doesn’t matter and you need to let it go (and I covered how to do that in Episode 32, about letting go). Look, I’m going to guess that a lot of the stuff you feel overwhelmed by probably doesn’t actually matter in the big scheme of things… so give yourself permission to let it go. You can’t do everything all at once and so sometimes you need to prioritise, because there are only so many hours in a day. And speaking of that, my next point is…

One thing at a time — because, again, you cannot do everything all at once and, honestly, multitasking just doesn’t work; all you end up doing is a bunch of things poorly, instead of doing one thing at a time to the best of your ability. When you do just one thing at a time you help yourself to focus and it makes it less stressful. And also, please stop trying to cram 50 different things into your diary each day; I start my day by writing down the main three to five things I need to achieve that day on a post-it note, no more than five, and then I tick them off as I go and it feels SO satisfying to throw the note out at the end of the day… plus by limiting it to a maximum of five things it forces me to think long and hard about what is going to deliver me the greatest return on investment (in terms of my time and effort) in line with my more strategic, long-term goals. Don’t try to do more than what you can reasonably manage, and choose to consciously work at a calmer pace so you reduce that feeling of being overwhelmed. One thing I do is to over-estimate how long I think a task will take me, because then I have a buffer if things go wrong and I also can approach my work with less of a rushed mindset. It’s a simple thing to do that can completely change your outlook. And speaking of simple things, my next tip is… 

Simplify — because often we overcomplicate things; I used to make my work WAY more difficult than it needed to be, and now I do things to make it easier like having templates set up for my social media and having someone help me with the audio editing for my podcast. Think about how you can approach challenges, whether at work or at home, in the simplest way possible, because the simplest solution is often the best (and I covered simplicity back in Episode 63). Next… 

Focus on what is within your direct control — because when you feel overwhelmed it can be easy to forget that most of the stuff that goes on in our lives, and around us, is completely out of our direct control; all you can actually control is yourself, and what you choose to do and say, so take a step back and consider everything you’re dealing with (and this is especially helpful when it comes to your emotions). If you can control it, then do something about it. And if not? Then it’s out of your control, so either let it go or give yourself permission to stop worrying about it (and I talked about letting go in Episode 32 and worry in Episode 95). It’s also going to be helpful to think about how that ‘control versus no control’ thing impacts on your emotional state (and I covered emotions in Episode 57). OK, next… 

Talk things through with someone — which is sort-of a continuation of that earlier point about making a list to help you get things out of your head but the point here is that actually talking things through with someone as well can be really helpful in terms of making sense of things and being able to look at the bigger picture… it’s that ‘can’t see the forest for the trees’ thing I mentioned earlier; talking with someone can help you to see things you might not be aware of or that you aren’t able to notice at the moment because you feel overwhelmed, so it can definitely help you to feel a bit calmer.

Alright, so those are things you can do when you’re in the middle of feeling overwhelmed. Now, let’s talk about some ways that you can be proactive by putting in place preventative measures to try to minimise how often you become overwhelmed (because prevention is what? Better than cure! I really do love a catchphrase, don’t I?!). OK, first…

Look at the bigger picture — and yes, yes, I know, I talked about the big picture earlier, but the thing is that most of the stuff that we can become overwhelmed by isn’t really that important in the big scheme of things, so being able to recognise that and let it go can help you to feel better about things; this is something that I encourage you to do on a regular basis, and it can be as simple as asking if something actually matters to you… if it matters then make it matter, if it doesn’t matter then it doesn’t matter! OK, next… 

Simplify your life — because the more complicated things are, the more complicated things are. Make your priorities your main focus, and let everything else be secondary or let it go entirely; you ideally want to have plenty of space in your day (and plenty of emotional space as well) so that you can live life without feeling constantly inundated with demands on your time and attention, because it’s in the space where we can find moments of joy and satisfaction instead of just running from one thing to the next. I covered simplicity in Episode 63 and satisfaction in Episode 110 if you’d like more on those topics. Next… 

Daily planning — because not having a plan means you wind up running from one thing to the next without any kind of thought, which can then send your sense of overwhelm through the roof! I start each day off with just five minutes of planning, where I consider what needs to be done and how it fits in with my priorities, as well as roughly how long it will take to complete it so that I can work out what my day will look like (broadly speaking)… and, as I said earlier, I deliberately limit myself to the main three to five things that need to be done, because I refuse to work ridiculous hours. That forces me to be focused and also to prioritise things so that my attention goes where it will have the greatest impact; for example, when I’m writing episodes I block out a few hours for it so that I can avoid distractions and get the work done to the best of my abilities. Daily planning really doesn’t need to take long, and it makes an enormous difference in terms of helping you to stay focused without becoming overwhelmed (and I talked about planning in Episode 113). OK, next… 

Set and maintain healthy boundaries — because, and let’s be honest here, people will test how far they can push your limits with things… if you don’t learn how to say no, then you’ll very likely find yourself becoming overwhelmed by the number of different demands on your time and attention. I talked about setting boundaries in Episode 53 and saying no in Episode 105, so if this is something you find challenging then check those out. OK, next…

Give yourself time — and by this I mean to get into the habit of allowing yourself more time than you think you need for things, which will make you feel less rushed and it will also be helpful if and when things go wrong (because, let’s face it, stuff happens from time to time; I went to film for my YouTube channel the other week and realised I had completely forgotten to charge the camera battery, so I lost nearly half an hour… oops!). The less you rush with things, the calmer you will feel. OK, next… 

Make regular time for fun — and this reminds me of that old saying, “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,” because honestly how boring would life be without a little fun every now and then?! You have to make regular time for yourself to reset, recover and recharge because you cannot run at full-speed non-stop; that’s how you wind up feeling burnt out. And, on that note, please actually take regular breaks as well, because we just cannot work 24/7 (and I talked about that in Episode 109 about rest, plus I covered slowing down in Episode 140). Alright, next…

Get support — because, frankly, if you feel overwhelmed then you probably need some help to deal with whatever you’re dealing with. Have an honest discussion with the people closest to you and communicate what you need (and I talked about communication in Episode 134), and if you’re prone to feeling overwhelmed on a regular basis then work with a professional, like a counsellor or therapist, so you can dig into those feelings and identify how to manage things in both the short-term and the longer-term.

Summary and Close-Out

Because when it comes to overwhelm and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: We all have so much going on in our lives that it’s easy to find yourself becoming overwhelmed from time to time, however if it’s left unaddressed then it can make it tough to do what we need to do in order to make progress in our lives, plus it can eventually lead to stress and burnout. Think about how you can make things as simple as possible for yourself, and also consider what is actually within your control versus what is not; if it’s not in your control then it’s not in your control, and no amount of stressing over it will change that fact… so choose to let it go. You cannot do everything and so the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to take things one step at a time and to give your energy to the things that do matter, rather than trying to do everything.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by an unknown author, and it is:

“Every storm has to eventually run out of rain.” 

Unknown

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Next week I’ll be talking about time. Every now and then in my podcast I find myself becoming quite philosophical (and let’s be honest here: it’s far more than just ‘every now and then’!) but I feel like it’s time for a conversation about time; more specifically, how the past, present and future impacts on your mental health and wellbeing, as well as how to have a much more balanced and thoughtful viewpoint of time so that you can find greater peace of mind and satisfaction in life. So, next time I’ll be talking about what time is (and what it isn’t), why a healthy attitude towards time matters, and how to manage your relationship with time in a thoughtful and considered way.

I hope you’ll join me for that episode, which will be released on Sunday the 11th of September, 2022. 

In the meantime, you’ll find more content about better mental health in my book, Let’s Talk About Mental Health (Volume One); you can buy it now in print or eBook from Amazon or buy the eBook from Apple Books and it’s linked in the episode description, or visit my website at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au.

Watch my weekly videos on YouTube for more tips on better mental health, plus sign up to my mailing list for my free weekly newsletter, Thursday Thoughts, where I share a quick dose of inspiration (and those are all linked in the episode description).

And if you find my content helpful then I’d love it if you joined me on Patreon where I offer exclusive benefits for my supporters. Plus you can find me on Instagram @ltamentalhealth and say hi!

Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2022 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.