By Jeremy Godwin
What is progress? Why do we find ourselves feeling stuck sometimes? And how can you make positive and meaningful progress in your life?
That’s what I’m talking about this week here on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast about looking after your wellbeing, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…
Versión en español | Versione italiana | Versão em português
Listen to this episode on Spotify:
Read the full episode transcript:
This podcast episode was originally released on 8 January, 2023.
Hello and welcome to Episode 161, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about progress and mental health!
I’m Jeremy Godwin and I help you improve your mental health, with simple tips you can put into practice immediately. All of my episodes are based on both quality research and my own personal experience of learning how to live with anxiety and depression following a breakdown in late 2011. Each week I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing.
In this episode I’ll be talking about what progress is (and what it isn’t), why understanding progress matters, and how to make positive progress in your life.
Before I begin, this is my first episode for the year so welcome to 2023 and I am delighted to announce that my transcripts are now available in Portuguese [note: European Portuguese], as well as English, Spanish and Italian. So a warm olá! to my listeners in Portuguese-speaking countries and I hope you find the translations helpful either for you or your loved ones. You’ll find my transcripts linked on my website at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au/episodes (the link is in the episode description) and if you sign up to my mailing list you’ll receive it in your inbox every week.
So, now, let’s talk about progress!
Introduction
There are times where we might find ourselves feeling like we’re just not making any progress in our lives. Perhaps we feel stuck, or maybe we can see some momentum but it feels so slow that it’s like watching paint dry. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had one of those happening over the past year or so where I felt like I was barely making any progress; in spite of huge growth in my podcast audience and releasing two books.
I honestly just got to the point throughout most of 2022 where I felt like I was just going around and around in circles, and it began affecting everything in my life; my anxiety returned with a vengeance after being under control for a good few years and I lapsed back into severe stress eating, two things I’m only just slowly beginning to get under control now through a combination of therapy, medication and old-fashioned hard work (actually, feel free to substitute the term ‘old-fashioned’ for ‘challenging and even sometimes painful’ because that sounds a lot more honest!).
I have a long road ahead of me to stabilise my physical health, after putting on a massive amount of weight again as a result of eating my feelings (apparently I must have had a lot of feelings!), and so this topic — which was selected six or seven months ago — has turned up at just the right time, because it’s an opportunity for me to talk openly and honestly about how to keep on keeping on, even when the going gets tough.
At this point I am reminded of a very particular day in late 2012 when I had music playing in the car as I was driving home from another doctor’s appointment to discuss my progress as I adapted to yet another type of antidepressant (it took three different types and more than six months to find a treatment that actually worked for me back then), and I was pulling into my driveway when Whitney Houston’s Step By Step came on. If you’re not familiar with the song, it’s a bit of an inspirational banger from 1996 that was actually written by Annie Lennox, who you may know from the Eurythmics (or if you were born after Windows 95 came out then you’ll have no idea who any of these people are, but bear with me!).
The point is that the opening lyrics immediately caught my attention that day:
Well there’s a bridge and there’s a river that I still must cross
As I’m going on my journey
Oh, I might be lost
Well, that set me off and a flood of tears cascaded down my face and I sat there in my driveway singing every last word of that song for its full four minutes and thirteen seconds while simultaneously ugly-crying my eyes out — thankfully it was a weekday and none of my neighbours were home!
I was lost. I had no idea who I was and how I had found myself in the place that I was at in my life; not just physically, but also emotionally. Where did I even begin to start when it came to trying to navigate my way through the journey that lay ahead of me if I didn’t want to remain stuck where I was? And how the hell was I going to drag myself out of the mess I’d been in for the past year or so leading up to that day?
In hindsight that was the day that everything changed for me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the next day everything was rainbows and unicorns (because it was still depression and dog crap) but a seed was planted that day; a seed of possibility and a tiny glimmer of hope that if I just focused on taking it step by step, day by day, and mile by mile, that yes, I could make progress and I would make progress. And I am telling you now that without that realisation I do not know that I would still be here; that’s how important it was to me.
We all have the potential to find inspiration that helps us make progress in our lives, and to better our circumstances, from weird and wonderful places, or from avenues that we might never have expected, and I’m hoping that this episode serves to help you find the spark to make progress in whatever area of your life you want to or need to.
So let’s explore the idea of ‘progress’ in a bit more detail and let’s talk about…
What is progress?
And the Oxford Dictionary describes progress as “forward or onward movement towards a destination… [or] development towards an improved or more advanced condition” as well as referring to “[moving] forward or onward in space or time.”
So let’s get some basic philosophical stuff out of the way before we go any further. All life involves forward momentum, even if that’s just purely because the Earth revolves on its axis so you can’t avoid the forward march of time… I’ve seen plenty of people try to avoid any kind of change, with no real success, and of course there’s an entire industry focused on helping people to turn back time through cosmetic surgery, with varying degrees of success. The fact remains that time is constant and time is going to keep on ticking forward regardless of whether or not you like it; time really doesn’t care if you don’t care for it!
That then leaves you with two choices: do you grow with time, by actively making progress in your life, or do you just stubbornly dig your heels in and pretend everything is fine as it is (even though nothing ever stays the same, and you will be ageing regardless the entire time you refuse to make any kind of forward momentum)? I mean, I usually say this bit at the end but I’m going to say it here as well: the choice is yours… and it’s the choice you make that will determine how satisfied you are with your life.
Because here’s what progress isn’t: it isn’t something you can just ignore and hope it will go away, because it won’t. Things will change, whether you like it or not, and so you can either take control of the situation and learn how to adapt or you can resist progress, which will usually just make things far more challenging than they need to be (since, in the words of Bill Heslop from the classic Australian movie Muriel’s Wedding, “you can’t stop progress” — I know, he lost, but that’s beside the point).
And progress also is not something that can just be undone when it becomes uncomfortable. Social progress is a great example of that; in the past many communities were discriminated against and over many decades of hard-fought battles they have finally won greater dignity, and that kind of progress isn’t going to go backwards — no matter how hard certain groups might try to make it happen — because people’s basic human rights are not up for debate.
Progress is often uncomfortable, because it forces us to re-examine old ideas about ourselves and about the world, but once it’s finally been made you can’t stuff the genie back in the bottle.
So now I’ll get off my soapbox for a moment or two (will I? Will I really?!) so that we can then talk about…
Why understanding progress matters
And I believe it matters because it’s the difference between having a life that feels satisfying versus one where you feel miserable… so, you know, no pressure then!
The thing is that, as much as we enjoy comfort and familiarity,
we also crave growth and development… so staying still for too long can make it feel like every day is the same (just like Bill Murray had to contend with in the 80s movie Groundhog Day) and, for most of us, if there’s anything that’s guaranteed to do our head in it’s monotony and drudgery!
I think that, generally-speaking, most people understand that progress is necessary because otherwise we just stagnate, and that’s when we become miserable and nasty people (you’ve probably seen a lot of those people shouting on the TV about something or other that really isn’t hurting anybody, because the media loves to pay attention to them so they can stir the pot and sell more advertising).
For the majority of us who aren’t sociopaths, we ‘get’ that people just want equal rights and we also ‘get’ that as individuals we contribute something important to the world, by virtue of being true to ourselves and then letting that lead us down a path of self-discovery and growth.
Because that’s what progress truly is, at an individual level: self-discovery. It’s about choosing to spend every day of your life figuring out who the truest version of yourself is and taking small steps — step by step — each and every day to grow, and to challenge yourself (even when it’s tough!), in order to be the very best version of yourself possible.
And that, my friends, is not a destination; it’s a journey, and it’s the answer to a never-ending story (and yes, I did just quote that the Limahl song from the 1980s!). While ‘progress’ usually refers to working towards a specific destination, I’m suggesting that — on a personal level at least — there is no destination; even the idea of ‘being the best version of yourself possible’ isn’t a specific goal you can achieve or a certificate that you can be awarded, because the journey never stops and there is always something new to learn or some way to grow and evolve.
And if that sounds a bit exhausting, well… maybe it is! But do you know what? It’s also the one thing in life that I guarantee will bring you energy and inspiration and true joy, because when you stop treating life as a race to be won and instead focus on how you can make progress on your journey every day you’ll start to see things very, very differently.
How do you do that? Well, let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about…
How to make positive progress in your life
And to begin I’m going to highlight that during the two weeks leading up to this episode being released, I’ve been posting a series of daily self-reflection questions on my Instagram account for this podcast @ltamentalhealth, which were focused on helping you to thoughtfully consider how you want to move forward (and I discussed that in Episode 160 about resolutions)… anyway the point is that a lot of those questions are ones that are going to help to challenge you to think about what ‘progress’ should look and feel like for you, so I’m going to be broadly revisiting some of them here and I encourage you to check them out on my Instagram account. So with that said, my first tip is…
Consider what is and what isn’t working in your life — and this is a really tough one because it requires you to take a long, hard look at your life today and then to make an honest assessment. I’m fully aware of the fact that asking you to determine what’s not working in your life is a fairly confronting question to be bringing up in my first episode for 2023 — and my apologies if your brain is still on a go-slow as you gently ease into the new year — but regardless of when you’re listening to this episode, we all have a choice to make about whether we want to make progress or whether we want to allow ourselves to become stuck (or, worse yet, go backwards), and if you don’t choose to push yourself forward by confronting whatever needs to be confronted, then you’re going to struggle to be able to feel good about things… and that leads to problems with your mental health. For example, if you feel unhappy in your job then no amount of trying to distract yourself with anything and everything is going to change the fact that that part of your life just isn’t working for you. And so that leads into my next point…
Be completely honest with yourself — and yes, I’m deliberately poking and prodding you here which might be making you feel uncomfortable but I promise you that I do mean well! We human beings have a remarkable ability to convince ourselves of almost anything in order to survive, especially when we’re dealing with challenging times, but the entire point of progress is to feel like you’re thriving instead of just surviving! To do that requires you to have some tough conversations with yourself and consider this question: are you making progress in your life? Or, are you just standing still and watching everybody speed past you? Now, this isn’t about comparing yourself with others (because we all have our own journeys to experience in life) but instead it requires you to recognise where you’re at in your life. And speaking of that, my next point is actually…
Identify where you are today — because in order to move in any direction, you first need to know where you’re starting from! It’s also really helpful to have an honest assessment of why you are where you are today, because it helps you to identify what needs work; I mentioned some of my recent challenges earlier and it wasn’t until I started having honest conversations with others and (more importantly) with myself that I was able to really begin to focus on the underlying reasons why I was struggling (namely that I’d taken on far too much… which meant I needed to reassess my priorities, as well as my goals in life). And so that leads to my next point…
Start where you are — because there’s really no other place you can begin! I think a lot of us tell ourselves that we need to wait for the conditions to be right or for a certain milestone to be achieved before we can begin making progress in our lives, and when we do that usually either one of two things happens: either that time comes and then we find “just one more thing” that we add onto it, delaying it even more, or that ‘perfect’ time just never comes. There is no right time to create tomorrow for yourself, but the best time is today. To do that, first spend some time doing my next tip which is…
Figure out where you want to be — because unless you know where you’d like to go, how are you going to get there? Now, there’s a fine line between being clear on your direction versus trying to over-plan everything down to the microscopic level; I am very often guilty of being an over-planner and I’m working very hard to pull myself back from that since things rarely ever turn out the way you imagine them, and being too rigid and detailed actually prevents you from seeing all of the possible options along the way (plus it’s no guarantee of success anyway!). Take some time to think broadly about where you want to be in the short term (the next 1-2 years), the medium term (the next 2-5 years), and the long term (5 years and beyond, or as long as you’d like to look out). You don’t have to have it all figured out, like I said earlier, but an idea of where you’re heading will help you to start to think about what needs to happen to help you get there (for example, if you want to only work part time in five year’s time then that will likely need to shape the choices you make between now and then). And what if you have no idea where you want to be? That’s OK! Just add in an extra step here which is explore and take as long as you need; remember that all progress is progress, no matter how small it might be, and so learning about what you may want to focus on in the future is going to really help you find out more about yourself… which sounds like progress to me! You may find Episode 150 about finding purpose to be helpful here, because I go into a lot more detail about focusing in on what it is that makes you feel passionate and excited for the future (which, in turn, can help you to identify where you want to be). OK, next…
Identify what you need to do to get there — once you know the general direction you’re heading in, then take some time to consider the specific actions you need to complete to make progress towards it. For example: if you want to work in the mental health space then there’s probably going to be some study involved, either at a diploma level or a full degree, maybe even post-graduate studies, and so that creates a framework for what a period of time might look like in terms of what you’re broadly focused on; the same applies to any type of progress you’re focused on making, whether professional, educational or personal. Figure out what’s involved in getting from Point A to Point B and then make a plan so you can see the path clearly (and you might find Episode 144 about capability and learning to be helpful as well). OK, next…
Break it down into its smallest possible steps — because big-picture plans are great, but they can be really overwhelming when you’re talking about a massive undertaking or a long period of time. We human beings tend to admit defeat fairly easily sometimes, especially if we’re not immediately seeing progress, and when you’re working towards something big in your life it can feel like absolutely nothing is happening (even though it probably is). The way around that is to break your plans down into the smallest steps possible and then just focus your energy on making progress one step at a time; it’s more achievable and you’ll be rewarded with success far more quickly! If, like me, you’re focused on losing weight, don’t focus on how many kilograms or pounds or ounces you’re trying to lose; instead, focus on achieving one unit of measurement at a time. It’s far easier to lose one kilogram than it is to lose 20 of the little rascals — and far quicker too! — and success breeds more success (plus it makes you feel less crap about yourself, which always helps!). OK, next…
Be flexible along the way — because the one thing I can almost guarantee is that you’ll think you have everything figured out and then life will throw a curve ball at you (like me using a sports reference, which is definitely out of the ordinary!). This is why having a broad sense of the direction you’re heading in is helpful, instead of being rigidly and doggedly focused on one specific outcome or plan, because you never know where the winds of change will take you; if you’d have told me 10 years ago I’d be living in the countryside and that I’d be doing the work I do today, I would have laughed at you and quite possibly thought you were hallucinating, and yet here I am with two cats, four chickens and now four ducks! Be open to new things and see where they could lead you; they just might lead you to something you never could have imagined and which you absolutely love! And besides, how will you know what else you like if you never give things a go?!
And now a few general bits of advice I’d like to give you about making progress, starting with:
- Remember that progress is continuous — so it’s not just a ‘one and done’ type of thing; it’s something you focus on day in and day out for the rest of your life, because that’s what makes life interesting!
- If you feel stuck then you will be stuck — because everything begins and ends with our thoughts, so work on creating a positive mindset.
- Less excuses, more action — and this is the same as ‘problems versus solutions’ in the sense that what you look for is what you will find… plus, excuses don’t get you anywhere!
- You’re in control of what progress looks like for you — it’s nobody else’s business what your personal growth looks and feels like; it’s about what feels right to you.
- No comparisons — because you’re not in competition with anyone else but yourself! The true measure of success in life is whether or not you’re growing from one day to the next; in other words, it’s about you and you alone!
Summary and Close-Out
Because when it comes to progress and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Allowing yourself to stay stuck really isn’t a healthy option to choose, because life will just pass you by and that will very likely lead you to feel dissatisfied in the long term. Progress is about choosing to push yourself and helping yourself to grow as much as possible, in order to realise all of the potential that lives within you. There are infinite possible futures waiting for you; it’s just up to you to choose whether or not you’re going to put in the work to make them a reality.
The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today?
Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by Thomas Carlyle, and it is:
“The great law of culture is: Let each become all that [they were] created capable of being.”
Thomas Carlyle
Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.
Next time I’ll be talking about standards. What you expect from yourself in terms of the way you think, speak and act plays a huge role in the way you go about your day-to-day life and your interactions with other people, however many of us can find that we hold ourselves to almost impossibly-high standards… which, in turn, can be damaging to our mental health and wellbeing because it’s a case of setting ourselves up for failure (since nobody can ever be perfect). So, next time I’ll be talking about what standards are (and what they are not), why taking a balanced approach to your personal standards matters, and how to manage your standards in a more thoughtful way.
I hope you’ll join me for that episode which will be released on Sunday the 15th of January, 2023.
You can find many more practical tips to help you improve your mental health in my new book Life Advice That Doesn’t Suck! and in my recent book, Let’s Talk About Mental Health (Volume One) which are both available from Amazon and Apple Books, and visit my website at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au to sign up for my free newsletter Thursday Thoughts for a weekly dose of inspiration.
Support me on Patreon for exclusive extra benefits, including early access to episodes and a weekly worksheet, and follow my podcast on Instagram @ltamentalhealth for bonus content (including those reflection questions I mentioned earlier). Plus, check out my other account, @itsjeremygodwin, where I post daily tips for better mental health — and those are all linked in the episode description on your podcast service.
Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!
Jeremy 🙂
Let’s Talk About Mental Health is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media, helping you find gratitude and meaning. For more information visit reconnaissancemedia.com
Special thanks to my wonderful supporters on Patreon for helping to keep my work free of ads (in alphabetical order): Agustina V., Amanda K., Bill R., Brandalynn A., Carol B., Charlie C., Christina W., Conrad F., Delilah O., Florentyna D., Iain G., Isabel, Janis & Steve A., Jaslyn N., Jasmine H., Julio F., Kaiulani B., Karen R., Laila L., Leon H., M., Maya H., Michael W., Monique T., Monte W., Nikki S., Rachel D., Rhonda P., Richard W., Roxanne L., S. L., Shauna G., Sonia K., Susan S., Suzanne S., Tatiana, Tatiana A., Terri B., Vanessa P., William S. — your support is greatly appreciated and it helps me to keep my content ad-free.
For a small monthly amount, you too can become a supporter on Patreon and access exclusive content while also supporting my work; click here to find out more.
Did you like what you just read? Then please share this with someone who might appreciate it, like a friend, family member, or coworker… because word of mouth helps other people to find Let’s Talk About Mental Health! Thank you 🙂
Find more content at www.letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au
Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.
Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2023 Jeremy Godwin.
The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.
