Let’s Talk About… Individuality

By Jeremy Godwin

What is individuality? Why is it important to embrace your differences? And how can you embrace your uniqueness and celebrate your individuality?

That’s what I’m talking about this week here on… Let’s Talk About Mental Health — the weekly podcast focused on helping you to improve your mental health, with simple ideas you can put into practice immediately. So, get comfortable, and Let’s Talk About Mental Health…

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This podcast episode was originally released on 12 March, 2023.

Hello and welcome to Episode 170, and thanks so much for joining me as I talk about individuality and mental health!

I’m Jeremy Godwin and I help you improve your mental health, with  simple tips based on quality research and my own personal experience of learning how to live with anxiety and depression following a breakdown in late 2011. Each week I look at how to improve one specific aspect of your wellbeing. 

In this episode I’ll be talking about what individuality is (and what it isn’t), why individuality matters, and how to embrace your individuality for the sake of better mental health. So, let’s talk about individuality!

Introduction

There’s a trend on social media that, quite frankly, I just don’t get. 

Now, to be fair, I’m in my mid-40’s and so the amount of things in popular culture that I don’t understand seems to be growing longer and longer by the day (I mean, you know you’re getting older when you have to look people up on Wikipedia just to figure out who the hell they are, which is something I find myself doing several times a week now!).

Anyway, the point I wanted to make is that I keep on seeing this thing on social media — especially Instagram (although I don’t really know about the others, since I don’t use them) — where people just copy the exact same thing everyone else is doing, and my mind just starts to spin because I cannot — for the life of me! — figure out how we got to this place where originality and creativity can seem to be in drastically short supply sometimes. 

Social media is full of three types of people creating stuff and sharing it (and let me be very clear that I outright refuse to use the terms ‘content creator’ or ‘influencer’ because I would rather eat dirt). Those three types are: the people who make their own original stuff and then share it (which is what I do on both my public accounts), there’s the people who take a trending post or audio and turn it into something different, and then there are the people who just outright copy what other people are doing without adding any kind of originality or unique thought to it. If you think I’m pointing the finger at people who just copy the same dance that everyone else is doing or who just steal other people’s content, then you would be correct!

I just don’t get it. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer and so, for me, my creativity plays an enormous role in what I do, but honestly where is the original thought? Where are the unique voices and perspectives? Where, oh where, is the individuality?! 

Now… I’m well aware that there’s a certain stage in life where you suddenly find yourself having these sorts of opinions, and also comparing the price of things to ‘the old days’, and it’s a slippery slope from here to my own room in a retirement village! But the fact is that all 8 billion of us on this planet have something unique and interesting to offer… so why are so many of us wasting that gift in order to make the same videos as a million other people?! I don’t want to hear what everyone has to say; I want to hear what you have to say, because it’s your unique outlook on life that helps me to understand who you are as an individual.

And apparently who I am is someone who likes to open this podcast with a rant, if recent episodes are anything to go by, so it’s probably time to talk through some definitions; so, let’s talk about…

What is individuality?

And the Oxford Dictionary defines it as, “the quality or character of a particular person or thing that distinguishes them from others of the same kind,” and I don’t know about you but, for me at least, that definition distinguishes the Oxford Dictionary as one of the dullest publications in the entire world. 

However, I do want to take a moment to pick up on the word ‘distinguishes’ in that definition, because that’s about what it is that sets one person apart from another (or from a group) and I think people mainly fall into one of two groups: either they work really hard to fit in with everyone else (like ‘The Plastics’ in the movie Mean Girls) or they go their own way (and feel free to start singing Fleetwood Mac’s Go Your Own Way if you like, I did while I was writing this!). 

So, I don’t know about you, but I learned very quickly in high school that I have no interest in being like everyone else (mainly because the majority of them seemed to have an issue with me just for not being exactly like them, which just made me want to be even less like them), and so — even though it took me a really long time — learning how to embrace my individuality and lean into what it is that distinguishes me from everyone else has played an enormous role in being able to find greater peace of mind and self-acceptance.

I mean, I’m weird. I spent years — decades, actually — feeling like I just didn’t fit in. Whether I was at work or around friends, I felt constantly awkward and as though there was a set of rules that I just couldn’t quite grasp; I mean, I certainly tried but it never felt natural. I used to put so much time and effort into ‘fitting in’ that not only did it feel like hard work (because it was) but it also felt utterly exhausting (also because it was).

It’s only been in the past few years that I’ve finally started to feel comfortable in my own skin and that’s happened because I stopped trying to fit in, and instead I just focus on being me. And do you know what? Not only do I feel much happier now (and less exhausted), but I also feel so much more confident. And so, when I repeatedly say in my work to ‘be authentic’ and ‘embrace what makes you unique’ I’m saying that because it’s the thing that has significantly improved my own self-confidence and self-esteem. 

Your individuality is what makes you who you are; it’s all the things that make you unique and different from everyone else. It’s your personality, your beliefs, your values, your experiences, and everything in between.

Embracing your individuality means being true to yourself and expressing your authentic self in all sorts of different ways. That could be through your personal style, your interests and hobbies, your talents and skills, or anything else that makes you stand out from the crowd.

Let’s take a moment to talk about what individuality isn’t. It isn’t an excuse to be selfish and put your needs above everyone else (because healthy relationships involve a balance of give and take), and it also doesn’t mean that you’re any better or worse than someone else; since we’re all unique that means it’s completely impossible to compare yourself to others because your life experiences and perspectives will never be identical (even identical twins cannot ever be completely identical!). 

So, with all of that in mind, now let’s talk about…

Why individuality matters

And it matters because embracing your individuality and learning how to be true to yourself plays a huge role in your personal growth and self-discovery; after all, if you don’t know who you are (and who you are not) then how can you be the best version of yourself? Plus, learning to recognise and value your individuality can help you to build deeper and more meaningful connections with other people. Every single person I admire or that I find myself drawn to is someone who isn’t afraid to let their individuality shine through; it’s the thing that makes us special, and it sets us apart from everything else and everyone else!

Being an individual means being uniquely you — embracing your unique qualities, values, and beliefs, and expressing them confidently and authentically. It means having the freedom to make your own choices and pursue your own goals, while also being accountable for your actions and how they impact others.

You don’t have to conform to anyone else’s standards or expectations; you can set your own standards for living (and I talked about how to do that in Episode 162 about standards), and that means you can make your own life choices and define success on your own terms. Embracing your individuality can be a source of strength and inspiration, helping you to feel much more confident and more comfortable in your own skin. It’s about self-love, self-acceptance and self-compassion all rolled into one; like Lady Gaga said in her song Born This Way, “Don’t hide yourself in regret, just love yourself, and you’re set…”

Learning how to embrace your individuality can have a positive impact on your mental health by building your self-awareness, improving your self-esteem, and helping you to find a greater sense of purpose in life by being clearer on who you are, and who you are not.

Embracing your individuality is a good thing for several other reasons. It allows you to express yourself in unique ways and to develop your own personal style, interests, and values, which can also lead to a much greater sense of self-awareness and confidence. It’s also healthy from a diversity perspective, in the sense that when you begin to celebrate your own differences you often become more aware of (and positive about) other people’s differences, which helps you to recognise the value of being surrounded by diverse perspectives and experiences (which can lead to more creative and innovative solutions to problems, not to mention a greater sense of shared humanity with people from different backgrounds and walks of life). 

Embracing your individuality can lead to you growing more as a person as a result of building a much deeper understanding of yourself, and it can also lead you to try new things and explore opportunities for learning and personal development.

And then, in what I think is probably the biggest benefit of embracing your individuality, is that it helps you to be true to yourself and to live your life according to your own values and beliefs, instead of being told what to do or just following along with the rest of the sheep in the herd. When you choose to embrace who you really are, instead of who you think you’re supposed to be, you’re able to be far more authentic (which I covered in Episode 55 about authenticity) and being authentic helps you to feel much more satisfied in your life.

So how do you do all that? Well, let’s get into the how-to part of today’s episode and let’s talk about…

How to embrace your individuality for the sake of better mental health

So let’s start with express yourself — and no, I’m not suggesting you need to walk around singing Madonna’s 1989 anthem about female empowerment (although if that feels right to you then go for it!); what I’m saying here is that in order to embrace your individuality you need to start allowing yourself to express your individuality. Now, I know that can be a bit confronting (or maybe even terrifying?!) especially if you’ve spent most of your life trying to conform and fit in… but the fact is that until you begin to express who you truly are, you’re never going to begin to feel comfortable expressing who you truly are. It’s not only OK to be who you truly are, it’s great! That’s probably going to feel a bit challenging at first (and way out of your comfort zone) so if you’re relatively new to the wonderful world of ‘I’m going to be myself and to hell with what other people think’ then, first of all, welcome aboard (your welcome kit is in the mail!), and, secondly, I’m going to encourage you to just dip your toe in the water a few times, easing yourself into it nice and gently, so you don’t end up frightening yourself and running away! One way to do that is with my next point… 

Allow yourself to do what brings you joy — because Marie Kondo was right when she told us to focus on what sparks joy! If it brings you joy then do more of it, and if it takes away from your joy then do less of it. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t feel like it needs to be more complicated than that. And the more you focus on the stuff that does bring you joy, the more comfortable and confident you’ll feel in expressing those things. Look, I am a grown man who works while five Spice Girls dolls watch over me from the shelf above my desk; I think it’s fair to say I gave in to my quirks a long time ago and frankly it was one of the best things I ever did! However it’s been a gradual process for me to express those more quirky aspects of my personality, and if you’ve been a regular listener for a while then you’ll be aware that I’ve been slowly opening up more and more about some of those shall-we-say ‘more eccentric’ aspects of my personality (I mean, I haven’t fully opened the floodgates yet so… be warned!). I talked about joy in Episode 93 if you’d like to explore the topic in more detail. OK, next…

Spend time with yourself — because to embrace your uniqueness and individuality you need to enjoy your own company and feel comfortable in your own skin! Alone time is not the same as being alone, and I make sure that I have time just for myself several times each week where I can spend time doing what I enjoy (like watching random mini-documentaries on YouTube, which usually ends up taking me down a Wikipedia rabbit hole when I start looking things up!). When you consciously spend time with yourself, it’s a chance to connect with yourself and your individuality (which then has a healthy impact on your self-worth, which I covered in Episode 78). And that leads to my next point… 

Work on building greater self-awareness — and I was bound to talk about this at some point in this episode, because self-awareness really is the foundation of good mental health; when you know who you are and who you are not, you can make better choices. Do that by paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, noticing what makes you happy, what your strengths and development opportunities are, and what your values and beliefs are. I’ve covered several topics in the past that will help you with this: self-awareness in Episode 62, values in Episode 138 and beliefs in Episode 141. OK, next…  

Explore your passions and interests — because these are all reflections of the things that you’re drawn to, which can help you learn more about yourself and help you to explore your identity. I also really encourage you to spend time trying new things and discovering activities and hobbies that bring you joy and help you to feel fulfilled. You might choose to find ways to explore creative outlets like writing, art, music, or fashion, which can all help you to feel more comfortable, confident and capable. OK, next… 

Be open to trying new things — because I know how uncomfortable things can feel when you have no idea what to expect, but the only way to know whether or not you enjoy something is to try it! Make a conscious choice to push yourself out of your comfort zone and try one new thing a week (it doesn’t have to be anything huge!); by committing to that and following through, by the end of the year you’ll have tried 52 new things and there’s a pretty good chance you’ll have found at least a couple of new things you really enjoy. OK, next… 

Create your own standards — and this is really about thinking for yourself, and navigating the world in line with your values and beliefs. Just because you were raised with a set of beliefs, for example, that doesn’t mean that they’re right and it certainly doesn’t mean that they’re the only way of living and being! Don’t feel like you have to conform to the standards set by society or other people. Decide what’s important to you and set your own standards for success and happiness; my viewpoint here is that if you’re not doing harm to other people or to yourself then, honestly, who cares what other people think?! I talked about how to approach standards in a healthy way in Episode 162, so check that out for more. OK, next… 

Focus on what really matters — and I say this one a lot (like, a lot a lot!) both here in the podcast and over on social media, and I do so because I would wager that at least 90% of the stuff we give our time, energy and attention to just really doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. Like with my podcast: the number of listens doesn’t matter to me so much as the feedback I get from people like you telling me how it’s been helpful for them. I saw a quote somewhere that went, “finding the path that leads you to joy is the right thing for you” (and I don’t know who wrote it, sorry!) and I think that’s a really good reminder to focus on what matters and what you want out of life, then work towards making progress one day at a time (and I covered how to do that in Episode 161 about progress). OK, next… 

Learn to appreciate your differences — instead of fighting with yourself or criticising aspects of who you are, turn your attention to the positive by embracing the things that make you different from other people. Everyone has their own unique qualities and perspectives, and so when you learn to appreciate yourself a lot more for who you truly are you can begin to celebrate what makes you ‘you’. That also means choosing to embrace your imperfections, because nobody is perfect, and working on actively building your self-confidence (which I covered in Episode 166). OK, next… 

Avoid comparisons — you know how I said in the last point that “everyone has their own unique qualities and perspectives”? Well, that means that there is no point in comparing yourself to other people — absolutely none! — because their personal circumstances and life experiences are never going to be the same as yours, and vice versa. You are who you are as a result of an infinite number of factors and there is no other person on this planet who has exactly the same life experiences as you; like I said earlier, even identical twins are never completely identical! We all have our own unique way of looking at the world based on our individual attributes and experiences. Comparing yourself to other people can create self-doubt and it can make you feel inadequate, so instead choose to focus on your own journey and what you can do to be the best version of yourself possible. One way to do that is with my next point… 

Challenge yourself — and that means not just trying new things, like I said earlier, but also actively taking smart and considered risks in life and really pushing yourself well outside of your comfort zone, because trying new things and taking on challenges can help you discover your strengths and build confidence… and that’s what helps you to grow. Next… 

Practice self-care — because when you look after yourself you tend to feel better about yourself! I don’t think self-care needs to be complicated and it certainly doesn’t have to cost anything; it’s really just about treating yourself with respect and doing what you can to regularly recharge your batteries and make both your physical and emotional needs a priority. Some of the easiest ways to do that include getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water, eating well, exercising, spending time outdoors, making time for yourself, spending regular time with people you care about, and being proactive about finding and implementing ways to manage stress. The main point is really to do this stuff on a daily basis, other than waiting until there’s a problem, because prevention is much better than cure! OK, next… 

Connect with like-minded people — and by that I mean other people who are positive and supportive, and ideally who also share some of your interests or values. I will say that it’s actually good (and healthy) to have a diverse group of people with varying backgrounds and beliefs, because it helps you to look at the bigger picture and it means you’re not just shouting into an echo chamber of people with only the same beliefs (because that doesn’t challenge you to grow and evolve), however ideally you should have at least something in common with the people you talk to and connect with! Connecting with like-minded people can help you to feel supported and more understood, and it can also provide you with opportunities for personal growth and building healthy relationships (just remember to set and maintain clear boundaries, so that you feel comfortable saying no to things that don’t align with your values or interests!). Next… 

Give yourself time — remember that embracing your individuality is a journey, and journeys take time. It’s okay if you make mistakes along the way or if you try things that don’t work out; that’s how you learn, and the only true mistake in life is the experience you don’t learn from. It takes time and effort to develop a strong sense of who you are and who you are not, but it’s definitely worth it for your mental health and general wellbeing… so, be patient and focus on making choices that feel right to you while also challenging yourself to grow.

Summary and Close-Out

Because when it comes to individuality and mental health, what it all boils down to is this: Life is a journey of self-discovery, and a big part of that is accepting and embracing who we truly are. But, far too many of us hide our true selves behind ‘masks’ as a way to protect ourselves or avoid judgement from others. But what if we stop letting other people’s opinions and perceptions dictate how we live our lives? What if we start to feel proud of who we are, despite our flaws and imperfections? Because when we choose to stop worrying about what other people think and start really embracing our individuality, everything changes. We feel more confident, more fulfilled, and more connected to the world around us. So let’s stop hiding who we really are and start living our lives with pride and authenticity.

The choice is yours, as it is with all things related to your wellbeing… so, what choice will YOU make today? 

Each week I like to finish up by sharing a quote about the week’s topic, and I encourage you to take a few moments to really reflect on it and consider what it means to you. This week’s quote is by the late American writer and diplomat Eleanor Roosevelt, and it is:

“Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one. You cannot make any useful contribution in life unless you do this.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

Alright… that’s nearly it for this week.

Next time I’ll be talking about surrender. We often spend so much energy fighting against things that we have absolutely no hope of controlling, and yet the idea of letting go can sometimes feel like a step too far. But peace of mind only comes when we learn how to let go and how to stop resisting the things we can never hope to control, as well as being able to pick our battles. So, that’s what I’m talking about next time. I’ll be talking about what surrender is (and what it isn’t), why surrender matters, and how to surrender in a more thoughtful and considered way.

I hope you’ll join me for that episode which will be released on Sunday the 19th of March, 2023. 

You can find more practical tips to improve your mental health in my latest book Life Advice That Doesn’t Suck! which is available from Amazon and Apple Books, and sign up for my free newsletter Thursday Thoughts at letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au for a weekly dose of inspiration. Plus, join me on Patreon for exclusive extra content and benefits, including early access to episodes; you’ll find all of those linked in the episode description.

And follow me on Instagram @ltamentalhealth for bonus content. Plus, check out my other account, @itsjeremygodwin, where I post daily tips for better mental health.

Thank you very much for joining me today — look after yourself and make a conscious effort to share positivity and kindness in the world, because you get back what you put out. Take care and talk to you next time!

Jeremy 🙂

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Let’s Talk About Mental Health.
Simple ideas for better mental health.

Let’s Talk About Mental Health. © 2023 Jeremy Godwin.

The information provided in this episode is for general awareness on the topic and does not constitute advice. You should consult a doctor and/or a mental health professional if you are struggling with your mental health and wellbeing. You’ll find additional information on the Resources page of this website.